Quirky Chaos

my doodle

2012-01-28T07:37:00.000-08:00

She is incredible, that kid of mine is. She is so much her father, yet carries sprinkles of me. She is pint sized still and so incredibly cute. She has remained contemplative while bursting with joy. And she is mine, she is all of ours.

Avery Grace is one of those kiddos that keeps you guessing. She slept through the night at 1 month, yet struggled to fade to sleep at 14 months. She enjoyed table food immediately, but still won't eat vegetables. She used to go anywhere with anyone, now she won't leave my side. She used to be quite even keel, now she is all colors of the emotional rainbow. And right when I believed she was entering her "terrific two's", well, she left it just as quickly and found happy again.

This is one awesome little blessing and for the first time I believe that I am slowing down to appreciate her in all her glory. She is a tiny power house of love and boy is my heart overflowing. We have our little things we do, just me and her and we love them. But, what's more... She has these little things she does, they are joyful and deliberate, they are thought out and concentrated and they mimic those she loves. Last night she picked up my computer and started playing around, I pretend she was blogging. :) This morning as we walked Zoe, she took a potty bag and started picking up all the rocks in the neighborhood. When she hears music, if only in her heart, she dances with wild abandon. She says Zoe and Arkham's names with such love. When she sees a motorcycle she calls out J's name. When she's tired in the car we rock out to J's old band eBomb and she fades fast to sleep. She pets Zoe with gusto. And jams her mouth full of food. She loves hershey kisses. And cuddles into me after a long day away from one another. She is perfectly independent and peacefully loving. Avery is Avery Grace and that is exactly who I want her to be.

I just hope I don't screw this one up. xo

Happy Heart

2012-01-27T21:28:00.000-08:00

The simple pleasures that make life magical... The kairos moments that make it all worth while... The time when time stands still... The moment all the hard washes away and it's easy... The moment your heart say ah...

It's wonderful to have those moments and every so often they happen when its possible to truly appreciate them. Today was 24hours full of moments and my heart is happy.

- Waving good bye to my Doodle as she laughs and plays with her grandparents
- Friendships that happen at their own pace, as they should, when they should
- Lunch time chatter with dear friends
- Hearing my baby yell mama when she see's me after a long day at work
- Helping friends when they need it most and watching peace enter their heart
- Seeing the face of the man I love
- Hugging his girls
- Having a dance party in the family room with all our girls
- Avery falling asleep on my chest like the baby days
- Having a moment to myself to blog, breathe & just be

Dreams, Oh My Dreams

2012-01-27T13:55:00.000-08:00

I had a bad dream last night, yet another bad dream. I have them pretty regularly and they always include the same subject, the same topic. They occur about once weekly, in the past they happened nearly nightly. And they are exhausting. They are exhausting because they are my fears played out to scare me as I sleep soundly. What troubles me most, they are not my dreams and goals and loves and joys. They are my fears and pains and hurts.

I used to believe that it meant that my gut was good and that I could tell something was wrong, that if the dreams persisted that I was right, there was something “going on”. And that may have been true then and it may still be true now. But, in the effort to get healthy, the gut instinct to “know” what is wrong or going on needs to turn into a desire to be happy and at peace. Now I think these dreams are my mind playing tricks on me and my heart letting me know something that is all too true… My higher power is not present in my life.

I am letting my sickness control my deepest thoughts and my inner peace. I am playing my fears out nightly to recreate them, to find comfort in them. I am self torturing in order to feel safe and in order to make my fears valid. If I dream it, it then must be true. And if it is true, then I must be right. And if I am right, well then you are wrong. And if you are wrong… then you owe me, you owe me peace, comfort, honesty… You owe me you. I am the victim of this circumstance and you are the perpetrator and in that case… You are responsible; I make you responsible for my fear.

This doesn’t work anymore, not so much. I’ve made others “responsible” for far too long. And in that responsibility they’ve be honored to have my power and my peace. They got the best of me. And I gave myself the worst. It is time I seek MY higher power, to hand over my tough stuff, to share my fears and hurts and to know that my higher power will carry them. That I will be walked with, giving me strength to get through the tough stuff and courage to face my fears. I will share my dreams, loves, goals and joys too; those will weave into the tapestry that is my life. I will share those in order to gain the support and love I need to accomplish who I am meant to be to my full potential.

It is time to seek MY higher power, to find support from something far greater than myself. To define my spirituality and to bring peace and colorful beauty back into my life and to my dreams.

Toddlers. Tattoos. TV.

2012-01-25T21:43:00.000-08:00

TODDLERS:
Its toddler time in this house and we are heading into our "terrific two's". The fussy is at an all time high. And sleep is an invaluable commodity. Joy and laughter are also at an all time high. Chatter and play are in full swing. Some favorite's include - UP, the pups, walking Arkham, hershey kisses, coloring, playing in her stroller, cuddles & pony tails. What a special time in our lives. Singing, joy, laughter, grumpies, tantrums, dancing, playing, sleeping, exploring, living. It's my heaven.

TATTOOS:
Craving a new fancy addition. Location (ribcage) selected. Design, to be determined. I know that the latest fancy addition will not be words. I know that the new fancy addition will be art. A creative display of strength, courage, peace and love. Something that conveys the woman I am and the woman I am becoming. I know it will be down the right side of me and I have imagined it will stretch to my back and link all the tattoos together somehow so that there is a cohesion of art and fluidity. Still in the inspiration phase. I predict it will be another two years before the work is done. Updates on inspiration to follow.

TV:
I've not had a television in my bedroom for nearly two weeks. I am starting to get used to fading to sleep without any background noise. For nearly 20 years I've had a television in my bedroom. Growing up there were rules, television was not to be watched as we faded to sleep. However, in my teens and through my 20's I faded to sleep nearly every night with the television on. It became routine to wake in the middle of the night and catch a couple minutes of the TV show I faded to sleep watching, most often Friends. And up until the move two weeks ago this was tradition. I moved with only one television and chose to put the tv in the family room. I am learning to use the family room as a family room and I am getting the best nights rest I've gotten since I can remember.

Life is good in this Quirky Chaos. And sleep, well, as of late, that is sound.

Finding My Voice, Facing My Truth

2012-01-25T19:14:00.000-08:00

co.de.pen.dence: a) tendency to place the needs and wants of others first and to the exclusion of acknowledging one's own, b) continued investment of self-esteem in the ability to control both oneself and others, c) anxiety and boundary distortions relating to intimacy and separation, d) difficulty expressing feelings, e) excessive worry how others may respond to one's feelings, f) undo fear of being hurt and/or rejected by others g) self-esteem dependent on approval by others h) tendency to ignore own values and attempt to adhere to the values of others.

Hi, I'm Melanie and I'm a co-dependent.

WOW. That was tough, scary and I am riddled with fear as I type this. However, it is time to face my truth and my truth is that I allow others to define how I feel about myself. I give my power away. I, without others knowing, allow others to control me. I put others needs in front of my own. I am now learning to take my power back, to put my needs first and to define my own feelings about myself. Day by day. Group by group. Reading by reading. I am learning how to find value and worth within myself.

Today I am scared. And as I type this I am on the brink of tears. 1. Because I am opening my heart and my vulnerability up to the world and to all for judgement. 2. Because now the honest truth is known about me & 3. Because I fear what telling the truth means to those nearest and dearest to me. However, this year I promised myself that I would do things that scare me, I would challenge myself and I would be forthright and honest with who I am on this here blog.

Today is my first step in that direction. Today is the day I free my fear, open my heart and crumble into tears as I need to. I no longer carry the secret all on my own. I've not done that for a while, but today, I no longer keep the secret from you. The danger is in keeping the secret, if I hide who I am from the world, how can I ever become a productive member of the world. And if I deny who I am, how can I ever actively grow?

There is a pain in being co-dependent. The pain lies in making every decision based on what I believe others think, others want, how others will react, how decisions will impact my relationships and who I may lose if I stand strong and put myself first. There is a pain in understanding myself, why I so desperately fear losing people and why the most unhealthy relationship is the most relatable. There is pain in finding comfort in hurt, in suppressing emotions for the sake of others, in denying desires as they do not match others and in hiding my true self.

This has been a hard fight and in all honesty the fight has just begun. I've spent a couple years in weekly therapy and a handful of months attending groups that support my getting healthy and I am finally at a place where I understand that I need to do a lot more work to find self-worth. That I need to do a lot more work to change my subconscious habits. That I need to do a lot more work to maintain healthy relationships. And that I am excited to do the work to get there.

I am blessed to have a close knit circle that know of my pain and fears. I am blessed to have a therapist and a group that acknowledge my fears and support my health. I am blessed to have a family and a boyfriend that have loved me through this process. I am blessed to be releasing my fears and acknowledging my truths. I am blessed to have a kiddo and pups that can make my worst days better with a smile and a kiss. I am blessed to have the opportunity to beat my sickness before it beats me.

Today I continue my journey. Today I make myself a priority. Today I understand I will stumble and fall, but that the courage to pick myself back up and to continue my fight is progress. Today I love myself more for acknowledging who I am out loud. Today I cry because I allow myself to feel my emotions & I smile in feeling. Today I work on not making my happiness someone elses responsibility. Today I take this process one day at a time and know that today's struggles can be tomorrow's victories. Today I handle one day, one feeling and one hurdle as it comes. Today I love me just little bit more.

**This post is the hardest one I've written yet and I appreciate your support and love**

9 Lives

2012-01-24T20:40:00.000-08:00

It is my pleasure to live life to the fullest. To experience everything at 100%. To take risks. To live without fear of the inevitable end. Life is too short, this we know. Kairos moments pass far too quickly, this we know. And the end is uncertain.

I believe we all have nine lives. Moments when life is left to fate. When a second or a centimeter makes all the difference. And we all have moments where we look back and we know our time hasn't come quite yet, but boy, that was close.

I'm at nine lives minus three. I've had the good fortune, fight, will and strength to beat the odds three times. Since becoming a mom moments are far more important and taking chances and risking fate is something I tend to tempt less and less. However, my moments weren't those that can be predicted and weren't those that could have been prevented, well maybe one was...

I am that girl. The medical marvel. The girl with gnarly scars and wild stories. The girl that expended three of my nine lives.

It truly is a story that starts at birth. I was born three months premature, weighing it at 2 pounds 9 ounces. I was a ratty looking little thing. There wasn't much to me and I was in for quite a fight. For three months I was poked, prodded and kept alive with the help of medicine as well as sheer will. I was under developed and ill prepared to fight the life battle all on my own. My lungs were truly the only organ that was impacted negatively. Breathing wasn't only difficult, it was a task that didn't come naturally. My incubator included a wave bed, the motion was the prompt that kept me breathing. After three months of growing into the body and size a newborn naturally would be, it was time to go home. Day one... I stopped breathing. The battle to grow and develop continued, but living life, well that was on my side.

Tempting fate take-two. College was coming to a close and preparations for graduation were under way. I vividly remember planning a post graduation trip to New Orleans. The tickets were purchased. The hotel was picked out and we were planning our daily activities. It was a day much like any other... I was working a double at Earls and had a small break between shifts. I went home for a quick rest and realized I had just enough time between shifts to run to the mall and buy my gold shoes. Us girls were all going to wear black dresses and gold shoes for the big G day. The rest, the rest is a story told in bits and pieces... But, it goes something like this... I entered the freeway at approximately 4:15pm and at 4:20pm I had rolled my vehicle clear off the freeway. The cause, uncertain. I was in the far left lane and the police report indicated I had swerved to avoid something and in swerving back into my lane I lost control, I darted across all lanes, rolling, landing on the driver side door off the freeway. The outlook, grim. As described by the EMT... I was one limp noodle. After hours in the trauma unit, thousands of stitches in my head, surgery to my thumb to reattach it and many random statements, I made it to my hospital room. No whip lash, no chiropractic issues, just another REALLY close call.

Third times a charm... This time the Big C got me. I had had a thyroid condition for many years and a lump grew in my throat. I looked like a fella with an adam's apple and it just wasn't going away. After a year of trying to regulate the lump and my thyroid through medication options were discussed. It was decided to surgically remove the sucker as I was sick of medicating a lump and there was no way there was going to be a needle biopsy taken of my neck... Uh uh. No way. So, surgery happened. And the tests to the lump came back inconclusive. So, the lumpity lump was sent to a medical lab out of state and more tests were taken. The results... Cancer. Another surgery was scheduled and a lumpectomy was completed. A couple months later further treatment of radiation was completed and after living in seclusion for three days, the recovery process began. Cancer was scary, but more than that... Cancer, it's just a bad word. Years later I continue to battle little lumps and regulating medicine. However, I AM ALIVE.

Three down, six to go. And I intend to use all six. I am so very blessed. Blessed to have a life worth fighting for. I am blessed to have had the opportunity to face challenges and thrive from the lessons learned. I am blessed to have fate on my side for another go round and then another. And I am so very blessed to know life is not something I take for granted. This life, this life is incredible and so worth every fight. And I am so very blessed I can to live this life, MY LIFE.

Introducing QUIRKY CHAOS

2012-01-23T21:56:00.000-08:00

And so it begins. My journey. Through my life and sometimes yours. Where words come from a loving and honest place. Where experiences are shared. Where dreams can grow. And where we remain a community able to support one another through life's challenges.

I long to share those things that are part of me. I long to share moments and memories. I long to share things that are not so easy to share in an effort to heal and those things that are joyful for sweet relief.

As we've all learned, life doesn't always turn out as we mapped it out. It isn't always as it seems. Life is a magical journey, but that journey is hard and trying. That journey brings trials and tribulations. That journey is genuinely and organically our own.

I want to enjoy life's journey and the magic that is something so simple yet so unique. I want to try new recipes and ruin them. Trip and fall while jogging. Put Avery in clothes backwards with her shoes on the wrong feet. I want to stumble through this life full of heart and passion.

And that is where "Quirky Chaos" came from. I remain the same. The content of C'est La Vie remains. However, this blog has evolved in an effort to be truer to myself and the life I lead. I am easy going and laid back, high strung and on edge. I am energetic and passionate, scared and anxious. And life, this life, it is chaotic.

This is the journey of a single mother, with a toddler and a boyfriend, two schedules, two sets of kids, two dogs, two houses, two careers, many goals, ideals and opinions. This is my life, beautifully mine, quirky as ever and chaotic in the most magical way...

Blog Evolution

2012-01-22T10:17:00.000-08:00

As with all things, evolution occurs. And as with this blog, I wanted it to become more ME. For 3 years I have blogged intermittently and enjoyed sharing my life's process. As my readers, my friends and even strangers, you've heard about my marriage, my pregnancy, my divorce, my career, my dogs and the in-betweens. And I felt it was a fine time to start writing from a truly organic perspective.

I was originally inspired by a work associate in Two Pretzels. Her writing is witty and awesomely honest. I loved the outlet a blog provided. A place to share experiences and connect with others similar to you. Individuals who associate with something you say, whom you can relate to as well and a forum by which all can share.

Over the years I've followed many blogs and learned why I still indeed love this forum. There is no other place to share, to support and to learn as there is in the world of blogging. The women I follow are true inspirations, with incredible stories and invaluable perspective. Their words unknowingly provide guidance and advice. Their stories provide humor and commonalities. Their vulnerability and courage provide guidance and empowerment.

And so it is with excitement and focus that the evolution of "Quirky Chaos" begins. I love writing, I know I should journal and I've lived a life all my own. I am so excited to reinvigorate my blog, try to provide content that is enjoyable and continue to follow my passion.

Thank you friends, family and readers... I am grateful for your support as you inspire me!

** Blogs I adore**

- Two Pretzels -

- Momastery -

Every Step, Progress

2012-01-11T20:23:00.000-08:00

Staying motivated for the sake of staying motivated... How's that for a passion driven life? How is that for a motivated start to the New Year? How is that for keeping things in perspective and trying to stick to my master plan?

Well, it's what I am doing. I am working on keeping my promises to myself. And most recently I actually have been sticking to my guns about staying active three time weekly. The best part about this... I AM ENJOYING IT! I have never been one to workout, when everyone was doing it I shunned it, joining the "right" gym because of the sweet amenities or following the latest fad because it was just that... A fad. However, I have consciously decided to stop making decisions based on the popular vote and rather start making them based on my likes, dislikes and interests. Seems I've been judging things just because too many people were liking them.

Much to my chagrin, I am loving being active. I am enjoying feeling my muscles in use. And I rather like getting lost in activity for a period of time three times a week. It is wonderfully fulfilling and awesomely motivating. Yesterday I ran 5.69 miles, surprisingly it was enjoyable. Not because it was easy, that it wasn't. But rather because it proved to me that I am able to push my body, push it hard and survive. That I am able to dedicate an hour to myself occasionally. That I can struggle through a hill, that I can feel pain in my toes and that I can struggle with my rotten hips and still come out just a bit stronger.

Now I focus on my fitness and not because everyone else is doing it, but rather because it is exactly what I want to be doing. I still don't eat healthy and maybe I never will. I'm not in this to build a body that the rest of the world would envy, that is perfect in every way... I'm in this specifically to feel better about myself. And eating pasta, cookies, cake and cheese dip makes me feel good about me too.

I find that this is the way I migrate into any long lasting routine... It starts with quite a lot of resistance. Then there is that breaking point where my curiosity and my desire get the best of me. It is at that point that I usually break. A perfect example of this was my resistance in seeking an iPhone. I didn't want one solely due to the evangelists. It took me forever to get an iPhone, I now will never turn back. It is not because of the evangelists, but rather it is because it is self serving, I enjoy my phone.

It so often seems that in life I get in my own way. I stop myself from wanting, exploring, learning & trying things solely due to the story I've made up in my head. And what I've found about this year, these resolutions, these changes in my life, right now... Is that I am getting out of my own way. Judgements and opinions can be created once I explore my options, once I try a gym, new food, latest fad and once I determine if it works for me...

January's challenge try four things that I have previously judged with no opinion and make up MY mind about it. Not because of what I've determined to be true, but rather because of what I've experienced as my truth.

Company Culture at It's Finest

2012-01-06T09:48:00.000-08:00

I am intrigued and rather thrilled about the approach to company culture and employee satisfaction Red Frog Events has taken. For a unique little start-up in Chicago, IL. they are making waves and advancements in cultural and employment field.

Where to begin, where to start and what to say... This place is awesome. Currently coming from an online environment, their website is cool, inviting and easily navigated. Having worked in an agency in my past life, their cooler than a cucumber approach to the physical environment is such that most anyone would love to be part of the team... A tree house in the middle of the office, a conference table made out of Legos, a rock climbing wall. I'm in!!! And the benefits... Oh me, oh my. Unlimited vacation days, $0 out of pocket for individual and family coverage on insurance, 12 week maternity 100% paid, 2 weeks paternity 100% paid, forced Sabbatical (every 5 years a Red Frog employee MUST take a 4 week, fully paid sabbatical with one person of their choice to South America, Europe, Asia or Africa), 100% match on 401k, 1 work from home day per week... And the list goes on. And while I am completely a pitter patter while typing this it's not all about the benefits, but rather the emotional decision to run a company like this.

Red Frog makes sound decisions on the way by which they will run their company and in doing so, they've created a culture that far surpasses most companies. Their choice to provide such a culture:
1. Treating employees as the adults they are
2. Reducing costs
3. Ease of recruitment
4. Mutual appreciation
5. Elevated happiness
6. Increased performance

Doesn't get much better than that now does it?

**** I usually do not put career and work posts on my blog solely as I like to keep this personal and light, however, this is a topic I am passionate about and find intriguing as so many companies have the best of intentions, but inevitably miss the mark. Or their best of intentions go by the way side as their company grows.

Words Hurt Even When You're a Grown Up

2012-01-05T15:35:00.000-08:00

I could have used this small bit o' advice this morning. I let my feelings and my words collide with a snide comment and hurtful intention. I let my maturity diminish and my personal desire to speak words that sting prevail. I let my hurt feelings and my anger in regard to a situation win over being a grown up and speaking as such.

The trouble with words is they last longer in the head and heart then they do in the mouth. They hurt more than intended. They leave a scar as deep as an open wound. And they can be revisited over and over.

Today I wish I had caught my tongue sooner and heeled my heart already so that my words didn't fly like they did.

The beauty of this moment... I can learn from it. Do better tomorrow. And resolve to heel all that lingers.

Maintaining New Years Resolutions

2012-01-05T10:17:00.000-08:00

Making New Years Resolutions... is it a wise choice?
When reviewing my past commitments to it, not so much. But, when thinking about what a resolution is meant to accomplish, I think it is incredibly wise.

So this year I took a completely unique approach at my resolutions. I am working from the inside out, not the outside in. I am focused on improving the core of me versus the things I'm not a fan of. Rather than focusing on details, I'm taking the big picture approach to a resolution or two.

So far, SUCCESS.

And it is two fold. One, I am improving those things at the core of me and two I am working to stay consistent in follow through with projects I begin.
From the outside looking in, one might be confused with the approach, one might believe cooking at home 3x a week is quite surface, but the goals I wrote and the way by which I derived my resolutions was very deep in thinking and valuable in reasoning.

My suggestion to all:
1. Write a journal entry recapping 2011
2. Identify the major core values you have, the major components of your life & your basic needs (financial, relationships, work, health, etc)
3. Make notes of the changes you seek to accomplish
4. Write a letter to 2011 closing that chapter
5. Write a letter to 2012 launching the year; stating those core values, goals & dreams you want to meet
6. Convert that journal entry into a VISION BOARD, displaying all those goals as images with meaning
7. Post it somewhere where you will see it often

I have been working through this and I am finally at the image stage of my resolutions. And I believe that I have made some goals that are well worth accomplishing. They may seem surface from the outside, but when reviewed again, the deeper meaning and the daisy chain to get to that goal is simply at the root of me.

Resolutions:
- be active 3 times weekly - this is not to lose weight or gain muscle, this effort is not in vain. It is an effort to get more active, take Avery to the park, improve my energy and in some cases spend quality time with myself... all in the effort to be better for those around me and improving my peace of mind.
- eat at home 3 times a week - this is an activity in improving our health, saving money and carving out quality time with one another in a busy life. The primary goal is getting our finances in order and ensuring that there is open communication happening in our family.

These are only some, however, these are goals I intend to make habits.
Best to all you in your efforts for 2012 as well!

Operation 2012

2012-01-01T12:18:00.000-08:00

Operation 2012 officially starts today. And this year I am not approaching my goals from a resolution perspective, but rather from an Operation and Vision perspective. I am currently working on a Vision Board to display the images that convey my resolutions. I have determined my resolutions for the different categories of my life. From emotional, physical and financial. To family, relationships and passions. Some are deeply personal, so are frivolous and materialistic in nature and some are your basic everyday goals that most people set year after year and strive for continually.

While still working through the process and my Vision Board I can share this... I am mapping out plans to pay off some dreaded financial debts, my goal is to make dinner at home three nights a week (this affords for left overs, money saved and better eating for my wee one), I am interested in being active 3 times a week (park visits with the little one, gym stops with the man, jogs to clear my mind and the occasional yoga or spinning sessions), I also desire to journal for myself as well write in a journal that is a letter to Avery (life happens too fast and I want Avery to know that she has been and will always be so very special to me), I want to pursue passions that I have always taken interest to and I want to challenge myself monthly by trying something, new something out of my confort zone and something that grows me as an individual.

I am a work in progress and as such some of these goals I may succeed at pursuing, while I am certain I may fail at others. But, overall... I want to ensure I lived my life to the fullest. Each and everyday.

Best of luck with your resolutions, goals and your very own operation 2012... May this new year bring joy, happiness, love and laughter to you and yours!

S.O.L.D.

2011-12-30T10:01:00.000-08:00

5 YEARS... 5 magical years and millions of memories.

Dear House on Larkspur, Good Ol' 322-

Thank you. Thank you for being the start of a magical journey. 5 years ago when I started the home buying adventure, you were the home I wanted. You were the cozy little joint half-way between work and the life I knew. You were just the right size, with just the right amount of me and enough blank space to create something all mine.
Thank you 322, you brought me closer to my dad through the home rennovation process. Knocking down walls, removing florecent lighting, painting every corner of the place. The journey began in March 2007 and by July 2007, the place was just right!
Thank you for being the home that has kept me safe for the past five years. You have been the structure I returned to after vacations, you were where I planned my wedding, where I became a mom to my pups Lucky & Zoe, you were the cozy little palace that I snuggled in through pregnancy and you were Avery's first home. You have seen a lot, you too have been through a lot... Pups peeing, Zoe chewing walls, Lucky barking, loud music, pipes bursting, some fights, baby cries and lots of love, laughter and living of life.
After 5 years and one year filled with much change you are becoming the home of another family. One that fell in love with you the moment they walked in. This will happen this January. Please enjoy the new adventure you will be on.
Thank you for the 5 years of safety, security and life.

Love - Mel
xoxoxoxo

A Year In Review...

2011-12-29T13:05:00.000-08:00

2011, a review...

It was a year filled, filled to the brim. It had a bit of everything. From the sad end to my mariage, the sale of my house and the loss of Lucky dog. To the happy adventures of concerts, travel, baking, birthdays, dating and Avery. This year was one filled with lessons and filled with growth. Filled with broken hearted moments and filled with joy bubbling over. This was a year I cannot wait to end, but will look back on fondly as the year I grew up.

I am so very blessed. Below is a highlight of the best of the best of 2011:

- Aaron Lewis' accoustic concert
- Avery Grace's 1st Birthday
- Evanescence concert
- My 30th Birthday
- Spontaneous escape to Vegas
- Adventure to Disneyland
- Mexican food for Thanksgiving dinner
- Dream Theater concert
- GNR & Sebastian Bauch concert
- Christmas morning with the people I love most

Wishing that all had a magical year filled with adventure, love, laughter and lots of yummy food.
Looking forward to see what 2012 holds for all of us.

Merry Ho Ho

2011-12-09T15:24:00.001-08:00

Presents are all bought... Time to get to work wrapping. I AM THRILLED... I love this time of the year...

Heaven

2011-12-08T13:45:00.000-08:00

I LOVE HER!

I Am Thankful

2011-11-24T10:39:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful. I am thankful for all that I've dreamt of and all that has surprised me. I am thankful for all that is simple and all that is complicated. I am thankful for all that was planned and all that surprises me. I am thankful for all that is special and sweet and I am thankful for all that is challenging and trying. I am thankful for the good and the bad and I am thankful for the happy and the sad. And most of all I am thankful for the ones I love...

Additionally, I am thankful for the simple things I take for granted:
- flavored coffee creamer
- facial lotion
- cozy jammies
- cuddles with my kiddo
- music that motivates and uplifts
- Avery's little voice (it is SO cute)
- puppy kisses
- clean sheets
- all green lights
- the heater in the car on a brisk morning
- gooey food
- sweet treats
- family time
- new beginnings
- old memories
- day dreams
- fresh baked cookies
- fresh scents
- yummy candles burning
- morning buns
- breakfast burritos
- daycare
- stuffing
- photos
- conversations with my mom and sister
- movies
- books
- cooking inspiration
- the laughter of my daughter
- a good nights sleep
- a long shower
- reading a book in the bath
- catching up with friends
- q-tips
- sweaters
- Christmas trees
- cinnamon
- excitement
- giving presents
- MY LIFE

May all of your thanksgivings be joyous and filled with family, love and laughter.
May your tummies be full. May your hearts be at peace. May your children smile throughout the day.
May you enjoy this and everyday as life is great.

Country is Cool

2011-11-09T20:37:00.000-08:00

Country Music is COOL... What a lovely evening of television, music and talent.
I've not taken time out to watch an awards show in a very long time, but this evening I had the time and I took it.
Watching the CMA's was a treat. What a talented group of adults. INCREDIBLE. And country has become cool, HOW COOL!

I must say... they are a bunch of beautiful folks and they are so very talented and they've incorporated musical talent that spans across genres.

Taylor Swift was adorable singing Ours. Sugarland & Matt Nathanson were incredible singing Run. Lady Antebellum did a beautiful job singing We Owned the Night. Kenny Chesney & Grace Potter were delightful. Luke Bryant sang Country Girl. Brad Paisley & Carrie Underwood sang their duet Remind Me. Faith Hill sang after 5 years. Martina McBride sang for Cancer.

Blake Shelton took home male vocalist of the year. His wife Miranda Lambert won female vocalist of the year. Sugarland won, so did The Band Perry. And the Entertainer of the Year award went to... Taylor Swift (the ONLY female in the category).

Lionel Richie, Kenny Loggins, Grace Potter, Natasha Bedingfield & Matt Nathanson all stepped into country music for the night too...

This is why I love country music... It's cool. It's not gender or age specific. It covers many genres. It speaks to emotions we all know though we may not all visit. It focuses on what matters. It has class and wit. Performances are amazing. It's cool.

Light the Night Walk: Taking Steps to Cure Cancer

2011-11-09T20:15:00.000-08:00

It may impact you directly, it may impact you distantly, it may impact you indirectly, but one thing is certain we all know CANCER. We may not all know the emotional, physical and lasting impact cancer has on individuals, their families and their friends. We may not know what it feels like to FIGHT for our lives, to SURVIVE. But, we all know it touches lives from 1 to 100. We know the victims are undeserving of the disease. We know that it's haunting and a burden. We know some are easy to fight, some cannot be fought and some are yet to be found... We know we may not need help ourselves, but that we can help. We know it sucks...

So... This Saturday, November 12th let's Light the Night in Tempe, AZ at Tempe Arts Park.

The walk supports the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. It is a night where friends and family can join hands and hold their red lit balloons high while lighting the night to fight. This year help support my dear friend and her families team "Team Swedish Fish". They've fought, they've fought hard twice and they've won. They know just how valuable the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society is to all patients, families of patients and the community. Let's give back; one cancer at a time, one fight to be won, one walk...

"WALK THE TALK"

Support Team Swedish Fish

J.O.Y.

2011-11-08T07:00:00.000-08:00

joy noun \ˈjȯi\

Definition of JOY

1: the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires : delight
2: the expression or exhibition of such emotion : gaiety
3: a state of happiness or felicity : bliss
4: a source or cause of delight

Daytime Television

2011-11-07T19:59:00.001-08:00

Well, it will never be the same now that the soaps are gone. We all have memories of our younger years; days home from school, summer break, winter break... The soaps were on. Always.
And growing up in an all girl house, it was easy to get lost in the shows with my sister. Marlena was possessed by the devil, Erica Kane had a crazy daughter named Kendal, Sonny watched Lily die... Oh how our lives included these story lines and these stars.

Now daytime television has changed, the soaps are not quite as popular and the time slots have been filled. Well, one time slot in particular was filled with a show I happen to adore. I respectfully disagree with my dear friend TwoPretzels. I do see her point and since reading her post pertaining to the show I do acknowledge that what she observed was true.

BUT, and it is a big but... I LOVE it! I enjoy the friendly banter from the hosts. I fell in love with Clinton Kelly on the show What Not to Wear and I truly appreciate his opinions. He has shared details of his personal life, his very personal and vulnerable opinions and he brings a fun fresh perspective to cooking. Carla Hall brings enjoyable flare to Southern Comfort Food, she has energy and spunk too. Daphne Oz shares healthy tips on comfort foods and provides fun tidbits on some of the most non-descript ingredients. Mario Batali is a ray of joy; I love his ability to describe food and sweet, playful and completely knowledgable way he approaches cooking... I want to be a sponge and absorb his knowledge. Michael Symon... The guy is cool; he loves meat just about as much as I do, he has a passion for his family and he cooks like an Iron Chef... What can I say, the combo of all of them makes me smile.

Plus, I am learning a lot about food, food preparation, recipes, fun family cooking tips & watching the show confirms that I have a passion for cooking.

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like...

2011-11-06T09:16:00.001-08:00

The holidays around here... A bit early, sure. Exciting, indeed.

I am so excited for the holiday season this year. Doodle is at an age where she notices the little details, she gets excited about music and lights & she enjoys slowly tearing into paper and bags. It's perfect for this time of year.

My excitement got the best of me and I decorated Avery's room tree.
Let the holidays begin!!!!

Simplifying Life...

2011-11-05T13:31:00.000-07:00

... One task at a time.

Simplify my life... Yep, that is what I am on a mission to do. One detail at a time. One overly full closet and room and drawer and purse, at a time. I always thought my life was simple. I always thought I was a simple gal. But, nothing teaches you just how much baggage you carry until a pipe breaks, until a divorce is final, until a car needs a wash...

So I am simplifying my life. And I am being fairly cut throat about it. Why would I need to keep 3 mops in the hallway closet? Is there a need to keep a coat I've not worn in over 5 years? Should I keep 16 white t-shirts just in case? And before buying a new lotion why don't I finish the one in the cupboard?

After having to move my "office" around the house three times, Avery's crib into my room (after disassembling it) and preparing to move all the furniture throughout the house as the floors get replaced, the walls are re-dry-walled and the paint is freshened... It is clear to me that it is time to rid my life of the clutter. To organize my being. To simplify what I thought was a simple life.

First step, reduce my Facebook fan base. This was an easy one... Who would I like to see photos of my sweet girl? Who should know when my divorce is final? Who will meet the new man in my life (if only via cyber space)? That's who I keep. Them and only them. And as quickly as I reviewed 483 friends reduced to 226. There will be further cuts, but that was all I could do in one day and still feel like a productive human. I also deleted the engagement, wedding and honeymoon photos. It just felt like it was time. Additionally, I updated my linked in profile. How is that simplifying you ask... Well, you see every time I signed in the darn thing pushed me to update my profile. I was sick of the reminder and therefore I took control of it and updated the darn thing. It also allows me to feel at peace that there is a record of my career out there that I can reference when need be, no more worry about that.

Next... House, personal accounting and the cosmetic fixes that MUST take place post pipe burst. The cosmetic fixes will take time due to the financial ramifications. The personal accounting will also take time based on financial standings, income versus bills and of course life happenings. And the house... well that is underway. I have decided to short sell it, to take the reins and to take control of this failing housing market (updates to follow).

So what used to feel like a chaotic mess will soon become a simplified life. One task at a time. One day at a time. One chore after another...

Halloween 2011

2011-11-01T11:01:00.000-07:00

SILLY SPIDER. My sweet little angel was a Silly Spider. And she wore it so well. :)

It Takes a Storm...

2011-10-07T11:02:00.000-07:00

... to see a rainbow.

I've been a pistol. I've been dweebing. I've been moody, emotional and in a "woe is me" kind of place. It isn't attractive and doesn't suit me well either. But, it is the reality of the way it's been around here as of late. And the silver lining is starting to shine through.

The silver lining... the only way to see the rainbow is to weather the storm. I am of the belief that the best way to learn life's lessons are by living them. Boy am I challenging myself right now. I am living like I love learning.

The thing of it is... I have been emotionally and physically drained. I've been frustrated and fearful. But, at the end of the day... I've realized the lesson and I am doing my homework. The rain is pouring and the rainbow is glowing.

It's just not my day

2011-10-06T15:15:00.001-07:00

Unfortunate Blessings

2011-10-04T11:00:00.000-07:00

Blessing come in all shapes and sizes. Today's blessing came in the form of a burst water pipe and a flooded house. At 4:30am I stepped in a huge puddle. A hallway full of puddle actually. The walls were seeping water and the root was no where to be found.

The plumber came out at 6:30am and confirmed my fears that it was a broken pipe underground. So, the fella locating the break will be at the house at 11am and the plumber will be back according to his schedule later today or sometime tomorrow. In the very near future we will have water again and no broken pipes.

However, the adventure is just beginning. The floors will be tore up and broken into in order to find the source and of course fix it. Avery's bedroom flooring is already soaked through and the Pergo in the family room is currently warping due to the seeping water.

So... those blessings I was talking about... I have not loved my flooring since I bought the home. In fact there are five types of flooring throughout my house. 5! And they are a bit tacky and competing with one another. So... the new adventure I am on is replacing the flooring. Obviously the essential rooms first. But, since the family room connects to the dining room fluidly and there are only two carpeted rooms, it seems like a bite the bullet kind of deal.

And the main blessing... Avery, the pups and I are all SAFE! Though this feels like a disaster now, it certainly isn't the worst thing to ever happen.

...Home Sweet Home Ownership...

dancin'

2011-10-02T19:24:00.000-07:00

I looked in the rearview and she was jammin' out. LOVE.

A Day at The Park

2011-10-02T19:02:00.000-07:00

It was a treat to spend the morning at the park with Doodle. She is a joy to watch explore, play, relax and laugh. It was a magical morning. I am blessed.

Passion. Hobby. Next Up.

2011-09-29T11:06:00.000-07:00

So, I don't have a passion. I don't really have a hobby either. I just seem to live in the moment and continue with my daily routine. However, I've always wanted to take a photography class. It is most important to me in an effort of capturing memories and moments with my family and friends. So, I am adding this to my Christmas Wish List (a very lovely, albeit expensive, camera), education want and new hobby listing. I would love to take a couple classes to truly hone my skills. Then all those simple photos at the park, during the holidays, at sporting events, on family vacations and those all too difficult to take night photos would look magical. Yep, it might just be classes, but at least it would be fun.
First order of business... CAMERA.

Fresh Baked

2011-09-28T21:42:00.000-07:00

There's nothing better than fresh baked cookies. They're warm, gooey & comforting. YUM!

Planning an Escape

2011-09-28T18:07:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure when... But, I do believe my tiny human and I will be taking a little road trip. I am inspired by the northern Arizona cities. Prescott, Sedona, Flagstaff... They have tall pines, historic brick buildings, leaves changing colors and cooler weather.
Doodle and I spend our weekends doing chores and playing with the pups. We spend them grocery shopping and relaxing with the folks. We spend them cuddled up in our home and racing around to complete tasks. I think it is time we slow our pace down, remove timelines and deadlines and just relax.
We may wake at 6am everyday, but I am ready to wake at 6am and drink a coffee, enjoy a breakfast, cuddle under covers to watch a movie or go walk/hike a trail. It seems real life has deadlines and timelines, expectations and restrictions and I am ready for a pace-less day. I'm ready for a day where the clock doesn't matter and cell phones don't work. I'm ready for a day where nature surrounds us and where Avery can experience a little change in pace herself.

Maybe not this weekend, but one weekend soon... We are escaping.

Turning "Want To" to "All Done"

2011-09-27T19:44:00.000-07:00

There came a time in my life when I stopped wishing I had done certain things, when I stopped wishing and longing to take vacations, when I stopped dreaming of redecorating my home, when I stopped looking at others fortune and wished for my own... It was a time not too long ago when I stopped planning and started living. A time when I turned wants into dones, dreams into reality and wishes into plans. I stopped being an observer in my own life and chose to be a player. And... as a result, I'm happier than I've been in a very long time.

I am very blessed. I have a daughter that is precious beyond belief. I have a family that is more supportive than I deserve. Friends that are motivating, beautiful, kind, giving and inspiring. I have co-workers that are intelligent and cool. I am one lucky lady. However, I failed to follow my own dreams, to fulfill my own desires, to chase my own rainbows. I am great at cheering on others, supporting their ambitions, but I easily forget my own. I easily walk away from myself in order to support another. I quickly change my focus in an effort to prevent others from changing their own.

Now, now I am chasing my dreams and supporting others. I am maintaining my focus and not getting distracted by another's. I proud of my friends and family and of myself. It is a wonderful feeling to make yourself a priority too. It is a wonderful feeling to do what you want, live the way that feels good to you and follow dreams that have been sitting stagnate in your heart for a while.

This is a cool life. And though my dreams and goals are simple by anyone's standards, they are mine and they are no longer going unnoticed by me. This is my life and I am so excited to be living it.

Music Makes Everything Better

2011-09-13T12:30:00.000-07:00

Music makes all the difference. It wasn't an inparticularly bad day, in fact it has been amazing thus far. A little cuddle time with my sweet pea, a morning wake-up call, a coffee run, a cool breeze and a high of 96 degrees. Things are great actually. However, sitting at my desk and zoning into work and the tasks ahead, I put in my earbuds, turned on my iPod and suddenly it all got better.

It is amazing how quickly a song can change your outlook. How hearing a happy tune can make things better. And in this morning of highly focused work I have found myself cycling through memories as songs begin and end. Of tapping my toes and smiling to myself.

Jan Arden's Insensative played towards the start of the day. That song came out when I was in middle school and it immediately took me back to the days of crushes and imagined heartbreak was at an all time high. It made me smile, it made me smile from my core because in that quick moment I was reminded that all things pass, all things get better and life continues. Then I heard Shawn McDonald Gravity and was put in a motivated-to-make-things-better mood. Katy Perry Kissed a Girl, Garret Hedlund & Leighton Meester asked one another to Give it to Me, Gloria Gaynor Survived, Colbie Caillat thinks it's Brighter Than the Sun, Celine Dion is Taking Chances, Bette Midler got me in the Christmas spirit with Cool Yule & Jesse McCartney is Leavin'...

What a great little music shuffle I've got going on. Lunch break complete... Let's get back to work.

Pinterest Love - Vacation Home

2011-09-02T17:45:00.000-07:00

I dream of owning a vacation home. I dream of a lovely little home to escape to with my family. A home where we are near a beach or in the woods. Where we play board games and make sweet treats and catch fire flies (if we are in a location where they reside) and track sand into the house and light candles and cook homemade dinners most nights. Where technology is not the focus, but bonding and escaping is. A places where we can fish and hike in the woods. Where we can build bon fires and cozy up in our warm clothes. Where we can build sand castles and play in the beach air all day. I long for a family escape where we go to fill our cup and a bond after too much focus on school and work. I dream of this home being in Washington state because of the desire to be near beach and woods. I dream of spending 4th of July in the family home and watching fireworks over the water, whale watching in the summer, taking ferries to the San Juan's... I love dreaming...

***Some sweet homes on the Pinterest that spark my dreaming juices as it pertains to my vacation home***

In the Clouds

2011-09-01T15:25:00.000-07:00

My head's in the clouds... I have a couple trips, a few concerts and some other fun things planned this month. It has been quite a while since I had a trip planned, let alone a couple. It has been quite awhile since I have lived life to the fullest, as I am now... And I have to say, this kind of living takes some getting used to. I am so excited, so ready for my breaks here and there (they are short little breaks) and so ready to rejuvenate. I am also ready to continually live life to the fullest as I have been. This is an incredible feeling of fulfilled. I am blessed & so very excited!!!

I. Did. It.

2011-08-31T21:16:00.000-07:00

I. Did. It.
I have celebrated Avery's life by tattooing her birthdate on my wrist. As with all the tattoos I have, this one has been on my mind for 13 months (maybe even longer based on the gustation period). At first, it started with an inspiration to get a tattoo in honor of my tiny human. I love tattoos and it always starts with a stroke of inspiration. Then it was the random daydream of what it should be. One day inspiration appeared in the form of a Pinterest post (I had been batting around a couple ideas, but none had hit home yet). I saw an image of a block tattoo, the block was made of 3 or 4 personal dates on the back of a ladies neck. If you know me, you would have known that I fell in love with it instantaneously. I fell in love because for me tattooing names is not an option and two my tattoos are very personal to me. They are things that will never change, places I cannot see easily, thoughts that lingered for a good year or two before tattooing and unique to my style. So... this was no different. I loved the idea that there would be a date on me and to a general passer-by there would be no knowledge of the importance. I chose to tattoo the date of her birth on me, but still needed to make the crucial decision of where and of course bite the bullet and decide when. I decided on my wrist because I love that I can see "her" with me always and last night I did it...

I am in love with this tattoo. It catches my eye and I am surprised by it's beauty and simplicity. I adore the human that inspired it and I love the new addition... I am pleased with my permanent art, so very pleased. :)

Social Media & Me

2011-08-31T17:02:00.000-07:00

It is official... I am addicted to Social Media outlets.
I entered the world of Twitter yesterday and LOVE it (wish I had more followers though). Facebook has been part of my social structure since it was invented. I have been blogging for 3 years. And Pinterest, oh Pinterest... I have been pinning for 1.5 months. And I cannot get enough of this world.

I love what each outlet provides a way to express myself. Twitter is a sweet little space to send out short little thoughts, random little details and photos in the moment. Enjoying it thus far, just need to find more folks to follow and be followed by. Facebook lets me stay in touch with my friends & family across the country and it has turned into my life photo albums. I enjoy knowing what my friends are up to and essentially journaling little tid bits of my day. Blogging is an outlet for my creative mind where I go to truly purge words. Sometimes it is beautiful and it flows and it makes perfect sense. Other times it's a quick snap shot at what I am interested in and random unimportant thoughts. And Pinterest is my heaven on earth. It has allowed me to let my creative juices flow again. I am inspired to create, organize, redecorate, cook and explore. I love pinning, re-pinning and reviewing pins.

What can I say... I'm there. And in my head all the opportunities of social media swirl.

Hello Again Good Ol' Blog...

2011-08-23T13:44:00.000-07:00

I've been a bit MIA... and I love my blog, so there is good reason...

I've been living life.

Exploring single-hood. Decorating and redecorating my house. Playing with my daughter. Eating too much. Enjoying wine. Sleeping too little. Taking mini adventures. Just living...

It has been magical.I have found myself all over again. The side of me full of passion, the side that falls in love with little things and people, the part that dreams and explores, the side that takes adventures and finds happiness in the details. It has been amazing.

This past weekend I went pie hunting. A breakfast conversation turned into a mini road trip adventure. Followed by decorating a bedroom with magical sparkles and ended with a glass of wine, the best burger ever, a movie and pie... Perfect, absolutely perfect.

Everybody Wants...

2011-08-09T23:10:00.000-07:00

And I am no different. I want. I want a lot of things... A cleaner house, a perfect life, well behaved pups, expensive jewelry, a bit more pocket change.

But, there is a desire that drives me to want "things", things I may not have, things I may not be able to afford, but things I feel emulate me... So here's a snap shot.

An Instant Camera... A trip to Disney is coming up and I want to capture the moments at my finger tips. I think this instant camera would be a lovely way to create a journal on the go. A bike, with a basket... yes, please. A fabulous purse that is neutral in every way, but with a pop of color. Vera Bradley luggage... I'll for my bag. :) B.O.O.T.S. Simple little additions. Nude shoes ... Classy. A tattoo to celebrate AVERY.

It's all materialistic and matters not, but oh the joys in dreaming.

Latest & Greatest

2011-08-09T22:42:00.000-07:00

Here's what I know; life is always going to be a challenge, the goals and expectations you have for yourself are the only ones in your control and that truly matter, just because you reach an age where you are ready to approach life more maturely doesn't mean that all others are at that same place, be the woman you long to be because there is no other judge and jury that matters (if you love you, that's all you need. if you don't like you, why should anyone else), follow your heart most often, feel every feeling organically, give as much love as you long to receive, speak honestly and openly, drink red wine because it is delicious and solves all world problems in one night, give everyone your undivided attention (if you're giving them your time, give them all of it in that moment), get facials your skin will thank you, eat what you desire (your bum many not love you, but your life will be full), bake and bake often, always lick the brownie batter bowl, dress up for no good reason at all, wear your favorite clothes twice in one week (who really cares after all), fill your life with the things you love and the people who tolerate them, forgive, add hot sauce to everything, let everyone pile in your bed every so often (Avery, Zoe and Lucky all sleep so soundly when they are with me and so do I), leave hearty tips, explore the world, do nothing occasionally, wash your face every night before bed, let others be who they are, love unconditionally, love yourself!

I turned 30 this weekend. It was lovely and perfect. Friends, family, food, laughter and love. I could not have asked for a better start to a new year and a new decade for that matter. My skin feels good and I enjoy living in it. :)

Another Day, Another Change

2011-08-04T14:01:00.001-07:00

And so a new adventure begins... My little one year old, my sweet tiny human, my Doodle... She is growing up. These past two weeks she has been transiting from the infant room at daycare to the toddler room. Lovingly known as Jackrabbits and Gila Monsters.
Last week she spent the week visiting and eating breakfast with her new teachers. She was exploring her new surroundings and meeting her new pals. She would visit for a half day and then head back to her comfort zone. This week the opposite has been in place. Her time has been spent mainly in the tods room, learning her new routine and her new surroundings.
The struggles... My tiny human just isn't herself. She is whiny, grumpy, throwing tantrums like I've never experienced before. She is crying frequently, she is fussy constantly, she has fallen out of her sleep routine and she just isn't herself. Her general disposition is that of a skeptical person. Quiet and observant while showing kindness and her big heart as she warms up... The girl I've got right now - not so much.
The joys... My sweet tiny human is growing up. She is showing such growth in motor skills, in observation, in exploration. She is amazingly keen on her surroundings and getting into new and wonderful adventures (going up stairs, opening containers, learning sounds and enjoying scents).
Truth be told... I am so very proud of her. So very proud of the little soul she is, of the little explorer she is becoming, of the sweet heart she has and the joy she exudes. This too shall pass, this transition will come to end, she will complete the process and we will swing back into our routine. Until then, God give me strength. And until then, give Avery peace of mind... She must be feeling fear and nerves. Change is scary, but I want her to understand change can also be a positive adventure.

And So The Countdown Begins

2011-08-01T18:25:00.000-07:00

It is August 1st and come August 6th I will be turning 30... I look forward to this adventure. I look forward to this next decade. I look forward to really starting life. 0-10 was filled with FUN and learning. Filled with no cares and exploring. 10-20 was filled with finding myself and fitting in. Filled with puppy love and heart break. Filled with accomplishment and new journeys. 20-30 has been filled with love and sadness. Filled with growing up and never giving up. Filled with child like wonder and adult perspective.

I look forward to 30-40... I believe 30 is a great age... the age where the fears of a child, excuses of a teen and struggles of an adult have all shaped me into a lady. A lovely lady.

I'm excited... That's all. :)

Pinterest Love - Words

2011-07-23T15:30:00.000-07:00

I someday want a home with a library in it (may be small, but albeit, a reading room no less). And I want walls of books, cozy chairs and a wall covered in inspirational quotes. Just a room to get lost in words in... Some of my favorite word finds on Pinterest as of late...

WORDS:

Off to Day Dream

2011-07-23T11:35:00.000-07:00

The Doodle and I are going on a day dreaming adventure today.
Today we are going to window shop the mall, drive through quirky fun neighborhoods looking for homes and enjoy a lazy fun day.
I hope you find adventure in your day today!

xoxo

52 Reasons I Love You Deck

2011-07-23T10:45:00.000-07:00

As I've been mentioning, Pinterest.com has become an incredible inspiration to me. I am truly enjoying exploring and pinning all that is magical to me. My interests expand from yummy recipes, motivational quotes, style ideas, home decor, vacation inspiration and DIY projects.
I fell in love with the idea of creating a small book of 52 Reasons why I love someone. From a spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend or child... The idea of taking a moment to express your affection for an individual was lovely to me.
So I set out to complete this project for my tiny human. First, the project is easy and enjoyable. Thinking of 52 reasons why I love her was a no brainer. And she will always have a tiny book of words from the heart from me. Some day she can revisit and remember just how incredible I think she is.
Creating a little bit of magic for my tiny human... Rewarding.
thank you pinterest.:)

** Final project below - I've not determined my cover yet... So, that still remains.

Lunch

2011-07-18T14:41:00.000-07:00

Please don't judge... It was tasty and yummy and good.
It was fattening and a very poor decision. My belly is full, satisfied and feeling really guilty for the over-indulgence.
Totino's Pizza Rolls, Cheetos and Moon Pies... YUM. Am I 12?

I hope your lunch was just as tasty, maybe not as fattening though.

I Need a Pintervention

2011-07-17T19:34:00.000-07:00

First and foremost... Pinterest is essentially a digital cork board. Remember when you were a kid and in your room hung a cork board. You covered it with magazine cut outs of outfits you wanted, the latest and greatest Swatch Watch, the clear phone, maybe a page from Teen Beat and many other objects that caught your attention. Well... Pinterest is just that, a digital cork board.

And this site has changed my life. I LOVE it. And I need a pint-er-vention. I love browsing the sight and re-pinning items of interest. Items for house and home, clothes and styles, re-decorations I'd love to make to my home, "someday" details of life, food and recipes; just about anything you want to remember, revisit and recreate.

I have found that all these years of wondering what MY STYLE is has been answered. There are common threads as it pertains to my clothing wishes, my home desires and those things I find inspiring. I am finally able to look at common images and see just what my style is. I know most everyone ready this could have easily pinpointed my style, but I always wondered. I always wondered, because I did not know if my style was my style by default as it was all I ever knew or if it was truly an expression of me. I am finding a bot of both to be true... I see the possibilities and I see the trends of now.

At the end of the day... I love this site. I can get lost on this site. I enjoy all things about this site. In heaven, truly in heaven... Dreams and desires on a digital cork board... Why didn't I think of that?

Pinterest Love

2011-07-13T13:33:00.000-07:00

I was just introduced to Pinterest today... and... I.AM.IN.LOVE!
I am still trying to understand the site and how it works and I am still awaiting my INVITE to be approved. But, I can say that I could get lost on this site... There are so many inspirational nick-knacks. Check it out for yourself and get lost in the adventure. http://pinterest.com

While I was losing myself in this whimsical world of inspiration I started saving images of homes and rooms I love. In the future I may include "Pinterest Love" posts sharing my new favorites on display for all... I know, random, but I find I am a full of inspiration with no outlet to share.

So... Here goes, Pinterest Love:

Change

2011-07-12T14:49:00.000-07:00

"All the art of living lies in the fine mingling of letting go and holding on."
Henry Ellis

I need an escape. A new adventure. Something to look forward to. A change.

As most of you know, my life has changed drastically in the past year. The benchmark event was certainly the birth of Avery Grace. The best day of my life, my greatest accomplishment, an adventure I am so proud to be on. Since that day there have been magical moments; her first smile, the first time she sat up on her own, when she started eating cereal, the first time she rolled over, when she started crawling, laughing, chatting, standing, etc. Her magic and her essence has been the best gift of my life, the greatest reward I could have ever been given. My little miracle.

Amongst all these joys and happy moments there was a lingering sadness. My marriage was ending. It was unraveling. It was crumbling around me. I will take blame where blame is due. I was void emotionally, I was distant and sad often, I was panicked and angry. I am not writing about my divorce to point fingers, I know we both carry sadness, anger and opinions. I know we both have wishes and wants. And I know we both are struggling through the process in our own way. And I know, that for me, this is the right decision. We both deserve to be happy and we both deserve magical lives.

I don't know how to face divorce. I don't know the best approach to take. I don't know the way in and out of emotion that is adult and mature. I don't know how to un-hurt, un-love, un-care and un-do what has been done. I don't know how to change what my heart has so strongly decided on. I don't know how to be alone any other way than I currently have been. I have been more introverted, more stubborn, more determined, less motivated, less inclined to do chores, more cautious, more forgiving, more fearful and more independent. This process is a long, sad, painful one that has allowed me to find myself. It has encouraged me to have courage and strength through the darkest days, saddest hours, most hurtful moments. It has taught me just how much I love me and that I am unwilling to sacrifice too much of myself for any one person. It has provided me the strength to respect those in similar situations, it has provided me the ability to see situations from multiple different perspectives, it has changed me.

Now that Avery and I have been living on our own for nearly 8 months we are getting into the swing of things. We are laughing a lot more. We are exploring and we are creating a routine. Her dad is very much still in the picture and their bond is incredible. She lights up when he comes around and I know she loves spending time with him when she does. Never is she sad to leave.

I am ready... ready to start exploring. Ready to start planning travel. Ready to bake more. Ready to cook up new recipes. Ready to try new restaurants. Ready to follow my day dreams into reality. Ready to show Avery the world. Ready to go to California and explore Disney and Sea World. Ready to ride bikes and eat ice cream on curbs. Ready to go to the movies. Ready to laugh so hard it hurts. Ready to get lost in adventure. Ready to smile from deep inside. Ready to teach my daughter about happiness. Ready to read books with Avery. Ready to live life.

Time to start the next chapter in this life. I appreciate all the experiences I have had. I appreciate all the love I have experienced. I appreciate the broken hearts and the tears shed. Time to start living.

I Am Going to Bake Tonight

2011-07-12T14:18:00.001-07:00

I am craving the mess of a kitchen, the smell of sweets and the joy of filling tummies with yummy goodness.
I looked up multiple cookie and cupcake recipes as well as a couple recipes for macaroons.
I am not certain what I will bake, but baking will occur.

MMMMMMMMM

My Bucket...

2011-07-10T07:21:00.000-07:00

Getting a couple bucket list thoughts down before I forget them:
1. Clean the house
2. Bake more - try out the recipes I've flagged
3. Get a bicycle and a cart for Avery... Fall will be here soon enough
4. Re-decorate the family room
5. Simplify - get rid of the excess
6. Travel MORE
7. Capture moments on film and in photo

Now... gotta get to work on my Bucket List

It's The Most Wonderful Time .... Of The Year

2011-07-10T06:57:00.001-07:00

My absolute favorite time of the year... When pools are full, night skies light up, winds are warm, rain is random... It is heaven. Growing up in Arizona, I have so many wonderful memories surrounding summer and monsoon season. The two just go hand in hand. Summer swims followed my tuna sammies and doritos with cheese dip. Summer swims followed by baking cookies, popping popcorn and watching movies. Summer swims followed by putting on sweatshirts and cozy pants to stave off the chill of the sun. It's my heaven and I am glad it is here. Let the happy memories continue to grow.

Avery Grace - ONE

2011-07-09T22:36:00.000-07:00

Allison Anne Johnson Photography... I AM IN HEAVEN. Use her, treat her amazing, capture the magical moment... My heart soars that my little sweet was captured in such a special way on her 1st birthday.

Allison Anne Johnson Photography Blog
Allison Anne Johnson Website

Personal Meets Professional

2011-07-05T11:54:00.001-07:00

And so the journey of one of my personal passions (blogging) becomes a professional endeavor. I have recently joined the FetchBack Social Media team. I will be advocating the culture and the ins and outs of our daily occurrences. It is so often that we communicate about what we do, but not how we do it. It is so often that we use industry terminology, but we forget the human aspect. Now, I am the voice of the people of FetchBack, communicating "us" to others. I am so excited as the persona "The Girl with the Pink Leash" now has a Facebook page (go like it), a Twitter handle "GrlWThePnnkLeash" (follow me) & appears on the company blog occasionally (read it please)...

Another new journey, something exciting and new, something that conveys my personality and advocates for the company I love.

Join me, will ya...

HAPPY 4th OF JULY

2011-07-04T09:31:00.000-07:00

O.N.E.

2011-07-01T19:38:00.000-07:00

Oh me oh my...
It has been ONE YEAR. It has been one whole year. And this has been the most magical year of my life.
God blessed me with a tiny human (my baby alien) that could not be any more amazing. Upon reflection I truly realize and notice what a miracle life is. What a miracle growing a life is. What a magical journey parenthood is. With ups and downs, with twists and turns, with joy and sorrow, with sacrifice and fulfilled sense of being.

I remember when; when the ultra sound revealed she was a SHE, when she was growing inside me and I would drink ice water to force her to kick, when I went through my food phases (cheese, bread, twix, falafel, jalapeno bagel sammies, tatter tots...), when I wondered what Avery was really going to look like, when I wondered if she would have all ten fingers and all ten toes, when I painted her room turquoise with her Auntie and cousin, when I picked a whole bunch of mismatching prints for her bedding and room furniture, when I felt the first contraction, when I got checked into the hospital after walking the halls for an hour, when I got the epidural, when I tried pushing for an hour, when the doc told me I was having a c-section and my heart broke, when they said she was nearly here during surgery, when I heard her first cry and my heart skipped a beat and when I held her for the first time so tiny and new, so vulnerable and strong.

And then the journey began... The first two months filled with many tears, even more fears and a period of bonding. When Avery first arrived I did not feel a connection, then I had a serious case of the baby blues, followed by extreme fears surrounding SIDS and a bought feeling like I had lost myself and determining the journey back to finding me. There were also those couple times when I wasn't the best parent; feeding Avery room temp formula for the first two weeks (it is meant to be refrigerated), serving her concentrate that had not been diluted for our entire trip to Pennsylvania (no wonder she projectile vomited every night), that one time I turned my head and she fell off the bed... Oh the lessons I've learned.

As I write this my Doodle is laughing and playing, giggling and chattering. And I realize simply this - I am in love with her to the core of my being. I now know what unconditional, unwavering and parental love feels like. She is magical in the best ways possible. The way she giggles when I tickle her tummy, the way she looks at me when she is longing for my approval, the way she scrunches her nose and pretends to struggle to breathe, the way she chatters with herself, the little noises she makes that are all her own, the way she points her toes, the way she plays independently, the way she judges, the way she shies away from attention yet puts on a show with those she is comfortable with, the way she smiles and laughs at herself... she is the best gift I've ever been given and this journey has just begun.

Thank you Avery for making my life magical. Thank you for teaching me about strength, love, courage and faith.

ONE Year in Review

2011-07-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

I love her... Every tiny bit of her!

From day 1 to day 365... She is my absolute favorite human and I cannot get over the blessing God gave me in this tiny human.
My heart is swollen.

The View - The Decision

2011-06-30T19:20:00.000-07:00

And the winner is...

Javier Colon.

It was the obvious choice from day one. It was the voice that made all the judges turn their chair. It was the man that displayed sincerity and love in the wake of fame and fortune. It was the coach/artist combo that was enjoyable and sexy (gasp... I said it). It was the talent that made songs real to the core. It was the music...

I do enjoy all four artists that made it to the finals. They brought twists and style to the music they sang. And they were all so uniquely talented with such power in their own way. Beverly was an incredible force; seasoned and raw, passionate and real. Vicci was a powerhouse; little and spunky, gravely and strong. Dia was incredible; peaceful and graceful, shy yet strong. And Javier... Well, Javier was smooth like butta'.

As I mentioned, I downloaded all the songs I liked from iTunes & I must say, it is the playlist I listen to most often. I love the unique twists each artist has put on some of the classics.

Sad the show is over. Looking forward to next season. And congratulations to Javier (though I believe all artists will reach their goals of stardom)...

The Voice - The Finale

2011-06-28T20:18:00.000-07:00

Oh my heavens... Tonight is the last night of The Voice. And Oh My Shit... What a show!!!!

There were performances by each artist debuting an original song & each artist sang a duet with their coach.
I was in heven. So was Avery. We love music and the talent is THICK.

I still LOVE LOVE LOVE Adam and Blake. Cee Lo has grown on me in an entirely nonsensical way. Christina still rubs me the wrong way (I will leave it at that, no negative tonight). And I have been incredibly rude... Carson Daily - Mr. TRL. HE has done a lovely job of mediating the coaches, communicating with the artists and of course keeping the viewers tuned in. His joking banter and boys club friendship with everyone is endearing.

On to the show because it was that good...

JAVIER - What can one say about Javier? He is incredible. Incredible on a simple and beautiful way. The fella has a genuine love for music and a talent that many long for. He keeps his songs organic and feeling simple. His voice drives his talent. This evening he sang his original song "Stitch by Stitch" and did a duet with Adam to "Man in the Mirror". Both were incredible.
All of the coaches seem to have a true respect for this guy and indicate that he is a truly good guy. Adam got a bit choked up during the show and that was sweet and indicative of the friendships built.

DIA - She is such a sweet presence. Her ability to make any song her own and add a natural twist of grit and beauty is inspiring. Her musical talent is enviable and the magic she creates when signing is palpable. I loved her performance of "I Won't Back Down" with Blake, it was fun and enjoyable. Both of their raw talent is apparent and the pride Blake carries for her is very similar to a protective and proud big brother. Her original song was classic Dia and the song"Inventing Shadows" will certainly become an iTunes hit. (Sweet blip when Blake indicated he had lost the magic from performance and that watching Dia go through this process, that this dream is really happening, impacted him. He implied he had lost it along the way somewhere and that she has helped him find it again...) Beautiful end to a lovely run on The Voice. (If not Javier, then Dia)

VICCI - Is a little dynamo... WOW. All I can say is WOW. Her energy and passion is insane. Her ability to perform is incredible. Her power and presence is huge. I feel that Vicci has what it takes to take her talent out on the road. She has the ability to captivate an audience and make magic. Her original song "Afraid to Sleep" is vulnerable and yet powerful. It was a beautifully strong performance. Her and Cee Lo owned the stage for their duet and closed the show by bringing down the house. Incredible performance of "Love Is A Battlefield". Completely in sync.

BEVERLY - What a rustic and raw performer. She has a rough edge to her and a love for music with a no bullshit attitude. She completely respects the process and her peers. Her ability to bring such impactful performances to well known songs, both lyrically and on a performance level is admirable. Her original song "Love Sick" was rock'n'roll at its finest. And her duet "Beautiful", with Christina, was the soft side of an otherwise rough edged coin... and I appreciate her ability to show that vulnerability.

Because I know you want to download the songs from iTunes, see the set list below:
Javier Colon - Stitch by Stitch
Dia & Blake - I Won't Back Down
Vicci Martinez - Afraid to Sleep
Beverly & Christina - Beautiful
Dia Frampton - Inventing Shadows
Javier & Adam - Man In The Mirror
Beverly McClellan - Love Sick
Vicci & Cee Lo - Love Is A Battlefield

And, finally... While my heart strings were tugged by the artists in the competition, for the finale they brought a couple wonderful mainstream performers. NeYo and Brad Paisley performed. And the coaches opened the show with a group performance. Just incredible... Sad to hear that tomorrow the show will be over and a winner will have been determined.

The Voice, oh how I will miss you...
Artists, how I dream of long successful careers for all of you.
Blake and Adam, please come back for round two... I love you guys.
Cee Lo, keep being you. I heart you.
Christina, be kinder to opposing contestants & wear more clothes. You are a mom and your body does not suit some of your choices.

I've already bought up the songs on iTunes, listened to them, loved them...

Brand Loyalty

2011-06-28T19:00:00.000-07:00

I am not one to become a brand loyalist let alone a brand evangelist. And I do not believe that I am at the evangelist level... However, my experiences with Apple as of late makes me believe in loyalty.
I have an iPhone. I resisted the iPhone for quite a period of time and in many cases I went against the grain and chose not to get it specifically because of the cult culture and following. However, I wanted an iPhone for the fun of it. To play games, to take photos, to capture moments, to bank on the fly, to read books and to have an all-in-one device that allowed me to listen to my music, write an email, text a friend, send a photo and make a call.
Well... I got said iPhone on Valentine's Day 2011. I was thrilled and overjoyed to have such a fun gadget... Unfortunately, Sunday night turned disastrous when my iPhone fell in the sink while washing dishes. GASP, fear, sadness and then JOY. The phone remained in working order... Well, the entire phone except for the camera. The camera, wait, wasn't that why I got the dang thing? So, I spoke to some friends and got some advice and Monday Avery and I journeyed to the Apple Store at the Scottsdale Quarter. The water had dried up and the camera was blurry... The lovely fella took the phone to the back, switched out the camera and replaced the back of the phone. The camera was back in perfect working order in less than 30 minutes at no charge.
Evangelist, NO. Loyalist, YES. Quite pleased with the customer service. I give Apple two thumbs up.

It's Official

2011-06-26T08:11:00.001-07:00

It's official... Cooking is my passion. That's all. Cooking has become my passion. And there's lots I'm going to try next. Some delicious looking desserts, some yummy breakfasts & chicken dinners.

Capturing Moments

2011-06-25T21:07:00.000-07:00

It's no secret... I am a big fan of capturing moments. Avery has been bent and propped, she's been dressed up and entertained, I've danced and made crazy noises... All in the name of capturing sweet photos of her. I have also had a couple different photographers capture moments for me. Unfortunately, as the story so often goes, I've not had the ability to build a long term and lasting bond with any one photographer.

Avery posed for Ben, my wedding photog, when she was just one month old... He captured her in her most trusting and vulnerable state. As a sleeping baby trusting baby, safe in her mommy's arms. I love Ben, Ben is an amazing photog and since I'd worked with him for engagement, wedding and family photos (pre Avery, with the pups), there was an easy bond. Unfortunately, the economy struggled as did I and I could no longer afford Ben, additionally, fees did not include getting any photos on disc & as a new mom, every picture one might have of my baby, I too want of my baby.
Then we had the blessing of meeting Michelle. Michelle took Avery's 3 month & 6 month photos. She also took photos of me that I adore. We built a lovely relationship and when working with her, there was an ease and a peace. Her personality is very similar to mine and conversation was easy, smiles were organic and moments were captured. I fell in love with Michelle's photography. Scheduling was convenient and the bang for my buck was there. Then... wah-wah-wah... Michelle and her family followed a life long dream and moved to a house on a lake in WI. Joyful for her fortune and blessings, sad as the hunt for the right photog was on again...
Well, as we approached Avery's first birthday (7 days away) my heart was sinking... There just weren't any opportunities and my luck seemed to be out, there was no way I was going to find a photographer in time to capture her as a ONE YEAR OLD. Just as my heart sank further, a stroke of luck... A dear friend had used her, another dear friend had suggested her, there was a "her"... I reached out, she responded... Prices were spot on and her availability, well... We will have pictures of a ONE YEAR OLD right as she becomes a ONE YEAR OLD!!!!

I am so excited. So very excited.

CHUCKS

2011-06-25T15:51:00.001-07:00

Because EVERY little girl needs a pair of pink shoes that glitter.
My sweet Doodle has her very first pair of Chucks.
My heart is happy.

Two Pretzels - I Thank You

2011-06-23T21:05:00.000-07:00

I read your blog every day... In fact it is part of my mid-morning routine. It falls between getting through the mornings emails, checking in with some co-workers and digging into the big projects.
This post, well, this is post is exactly the reminder I needed in this exact moment.
Thank you for always having the words...

SEE HER BEAUTIFUL POST HERE:
http://www.twopretzels.com/2011/06/contentment-not-to-be-confused-with.html

The Voice - A Recap Spanning 2 Shows

2011-06-23T14:25:00.000-07:00

OH ME OH MY... What a week on The Voice.

My last recap ended with my hopes for Team Adam and Team Cee Lo and boy, I am getting good at guessing the talent. This week was an interesting mix of getting to business and adding flare. I was pleased to find out the contestants moving into the semi-finals were those I had predicted last week.

The winners from Team Adam:
Javier Colon (Americas pick) & Casey Weston (Adam's choice)
The winners from Team Cee Lo:
Vicci Martinez (Americas pick) & Nakia (Cee Lo's choice)

The singers moving on were the obvious choice in Javier and Vicci. The coaches picks were wonderful as well. As soon as the singers were selected to move on to the semi-finals the singing began. And it was absolutely magical.

Frenchie sang Like A Prayer and I got chills. Literally goosey bumps all over. It was magical as her voice is extra large, with a power behind it that literally can take your breath away.
Nakia sang What Do You Want From Me... He created a rasp and intensity that took my breath away. He enjoyed taking over the stage and truly put on a performance. I even love that he has a little lisp while he sings. The imperfection makes him perfectly perfect.
Dia sang Losing My Religion. This song brings back memories of my childhood and visiting my brother in Seattle. I loved the peace and sincerity she brought to the song and per usual her coach Blake was just so proud... It fills my heart.
Casey sang I Will Always Love You. The sweet 18 year old has a sass about her that makes me smile. I enjoyed the pre-song montage that showed a bit of the conflict her and Adam go through. And I truly enjoyed that she said she was singing this to her first love, though she is only 18 she has been in love and will think of him through the song... And during the song, some of that emotion was visible.
Beverly sang The Thrill Is Gone... I have to be honest... I just don't dig her. I love her rasp. But, to me, she is just so intense. And I like other singers better. However, she is insanely talented. Insanely... And like every person with a passion, she deserves the opportunity to pursue it.
Javier sang Fix You. B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L. The song was not a song that I in particularly enjoyed, but hearing his rendition, I fell in love. The words are beautiful and his voice melts my heart. His singing gives me goose bumps as well. And the magic of the music paired with his singing... It was a great performance. When he tossed his hat I was a little sad I was not there to catch it, I'm just saying.
Xenia sang The Man Who Can't Be Moved. I honesty loved the montage... Seeing Blake's papa bear protection of Xenia as well as the pride he carries for her. It is special, so very sweet and seeing a shy 16 year old, who always remains composed, show excitement and passion is beautiful. I love her voice and have purchased all the songs she sang from iTunes. Every one of them.
Vicci sang Dog Days Are Over... I absolutely LOVE this song. It is so powerful. The message is wonderful and the musicality is so fun loving while expressing such a message. Plus, Vicci is such a little powerhouse. I LOVED IT... She made the show close in style. It was a magical performance and truly a great note to end the show on.

Adam Levine sang Maroon 5's new single with Christina and Blake sang his new chart topper Honey Bee... I still have a bit of a crush on both fellas. There is just a sweet nature that they display, their passion for their artists and the way they support all other singers, it just makes me smile...

It was an amazing show. Seriously impressed with the talent of the 8 semi-finalists. I was blowing up iTunes. The Voice has taken over my iPod.
However, there are still some things that annoy - the coaches (specifically Christina and Cee Lo) continue to say "You're my favorite", "You know I love you", etc. Also, Christina still seems a bit caddy. I appreciate her passion for her artists, however, at this point I believe the judges should be more nurturing because this is when hearts start to break, the contestants opportunities get so close, but if they are voted off seem so far away. Finally, Christina... STOP BEING SUCH A SEX POT. We get it... you don't like clothes, you like big hair... Just class it up some.

THEN... Oh yes, there is a then... Then on Wednesday there was a results show. WHAT?!?! I know...
All the incredible singers from the night before came back and found who was moving on to the FINALS. This shows was fun and sad. Right out of the gates all 8 artists sang together. It was exciting and sweet. 8 passionate artists, following their dreams, supporting one another in doing so... Right on!

The coaches were tasked with providing a score for their artists. America voted as well. The results are as follows:
Team Cee Lo: Cee Lo wrote a poem for his people, it was sweet. Cee Lo voted 51 for Nakia, 49 for Vicci. This was based on their performances. Vicci's drums from the evening prior drowned out her vocals in his opinion. From my vantage point, the cozy comfiness of my bed, she was amazing. America voted and VICCI is a finalist (124-76). I loved Nakia's support of Vicci, what a class act.
Team Adam: Adam swayed his voting ability strongly. His reasoning was to ensure that Javier moved into the finals based on Javier's previous experiences and lost opportunities. He scored Javier with 65 points and Casey with 35 points. America also voted and the resounding decision was Javier (138-62). This win was no surprise and I think it was absolutely right. Javier seems to be a special person.
Team Blake: Blake is a kind man with a huge heart and his voting proved that. He split the vote 50/50. He wanted to give them absolutely the best chance to have an even shake and making it to the finals because it was a no lose situation. America voted and it was the closest vote of all teams, shows the talent and magic that their team has created. Dia is moving on to the finals (106-94). Team Blake just created a magic I appreciate and you could see the friendship between the two girls and how proud Blake was. The whole team was choked up... And it made me cry. Such a sap...
Team Christina: Christina also split the vote 50/50. So it was up to America to choose between Frenchie and Beverly. America picked the vibrant, bold and energetic Beverly (107-93). These two women were both powerful and talented and respected one another an incredible amount...

So, on to the finals we go... I want to see the winner be either Javier or Dia. Personal choice based on talent and coaching...

Let the Re-Decorating Begin...

2011-06-20T18:26:00.001-07:00

It's time... Time to start redecorating my family room. The furniture is old and the room doesn't feel cozy. It is time for me to start fresh; clean up the decor, simplify the space, reduce the collections of things and add unique and quirky twists to a space that is entirely too angular. In the good ol' days I would have made everything symmetrical, everything would have been lined up nicely and fit into a stackable space. I am so over my symmetrical style, my angular approach, my rectangles and squares...

It is time to add fun shapes and rounded corners. It is time to make the space feel cozy and yet sophisticated... How does one approach style in a fitting manner for a feminine 30 year old and an on the go one year old? How does one ensure the room is classy with a touch of flare as well as safe and accessible for a kiddo? This is the latest and greatest challenge I am approaching and I look forward to succeeding.

I have a massive blue wall that stands 16 feet tall and is taller than the room is wide. I have an oversized leather chair and an old worn drab micro fiber couch. The entertainment center is made of cork, covered with laminate and is chunky for such a unique space... First, the entertainment center will be removed... Next the drab couch will be donated and replaced. The leather chair will be cleaned up and moved to a new corner of the room. And the redecorating will begin. I envision a lovely rounded couch with quirky appeal, a corner TV unit, slanted book shelves with a center desk and a cozy round shag rug. Storage to hold toys and office supplies. And of course photos, art and decor to make the room feel lived in and worn while remaining clean and cozy.

Well... these are al dreams and ideas until I get started... Off to clean and start emptying the room...
Making my dreams come true one project at a time.

*** That is not a layout of my home... Just wanted to clarify. :)

Bring on the Good

2011-06-19T23:05:00.000-07:00

I am creating a Manifestation Board... This is meant to generate positive results as impacted by positive thinking.
I'm pretty excited.

An Old Passion... A New Spark

2011-06-19T20:45:00.000-07:00

I love to cook. I absolutely love to cook. I feel like it is an expression of love and care. I feel like it can express creativity and create magic for those who experience the flavors coming together. I feel that it is me at my most vulnerable... Trying to manage time, flavors, dishes. Trying to ensure all tummies are pleased. The magic of a kitchen in action, full of scents and sounds. I've realized.... Cooking is my passion.

And what's more... I've found that dessert is my favorite part of the meal to cook up for those I love. I've been sharing the experience of cake popping across my blog quite a lot as of late. However, there are many sweet treats I venture to cook up.... Coconut Cake, Gooey Butter Cake, Cheese Cake, Chocolate Chip Cookies... The list goes on. But, my next sweet treat to master... MACAROONS. I cannot wait to test recipes and I cannot wait to create the perfect coconut cluster in cookie form.

So, you see, there are a couple announcement that go along with this blog... 1. So far the pops have been gobbled up and requested daily since their first appearance at my office. All my co-workers have suggested I go into baking... I see no reason why I cannot start with supporting friends for parties and see if interest sparks. So, in order to brand myself, I am working with an exceptionally creative co-worker to pull together a logo to use for blog posts and all that may follow. 2. I have always wondered what it would feel like when I found my passion... When I knew what it was that made me smile from the inside out, no matter all of life's other conditions. I have always wondered what my "thing" would be... Jogging, music, painting, writing, etc. Well, now I know that feeling... I just wish it weren't just me and Avery I were cooking for. It would make trying new things a lot more exciting and a lot less wasteful.

I love cooking... yep, I do!

My House Smells Like Cake & I'm Getting My Hair Done...

2011-06-18T07:47:00.000-07:00

It's a good Saturday!

The Voice Recap... (a bit late, but who's counting)

2011-06-18T07:11:00.001-07:00

First, first, first... Still really loving both Adam Levine & Blake Shelton. They just seem so genuine and kind. I appreciate the feedback they provide to all singers and the humor they exude. Cee Lo and Christina add flavor and banter, but for me they just provide the layer of meh, which further solidifies my favorites.

On to the recap... Team Blake and Team Christina competed last week in the live shows and as it was indicated, two singers would head home, two would remain. Well, a unique and interesting twist... America voted for one competitor to stay, the judges had to pick the other. So as not to linger too long... The selections were as follows:

Team Blake: Dia (America save) & Xenia (Blake Save) - the two girls that blew me away from last week show.
Team Christina: Beverly (America save) & Frenchie (Christina save) - Frenchie was also on the list and Beverly reminds me so much of Melissa Ethridge it all makes sense.
All strong vocally, unique and enjoyable to watch.

Moving into this weeks live show... It was highly entertaining and another set of really good singers displayed their talents. I truly enjoy the song the competitors sing with their coaches; there is just so much energy and joy on the show during those songs. And I feel both Cee Lo and Adam selected fun songs that brought the house down with energy.

The competitors are amazing, but to get to my favorites quickly... They are:

Javier Colon, Casey Weston, Nakia & Vicci Martinez. They are all incredible in their own right and this week I did not vote as I had no vote... (and I'm not trying to leave Nakia out of the photos... there just weren't any good ones of him...)

Looking forward to next weeks show... We shall see.

My Doodle

2011-06-12T22:09:00.001-07:00

I just adore her... every tiny ounce of her. And my heart is so full because my tiny human is becoming such a huge heart & quite mischievous. Additionally, she is sweet to her core.

My little love bug snoring in my arms. It's the sweetest sound.

Loving her new found freedom... STANDING.

My mischievous Doodle, feeding Lucky bite by bite, puff by puff. Lucky is in HEAVEN.

How'd It Go... I'll Tell Ya!

2011-06-12T21:37:00.001-07:00

I think I'm getting good at this. :) I think I am getting really good at this.
A couple pointers this go round: 1. Only melt a couple melts when inserting the sticks as you'll be cooling them for 15 minutes and it just makes more sense, 2. Keep the pops that are not being decorated in the freezer - this suited me best as the pops did not start falling apart and the icing cooled more quickly, 3. Since decorating takes the longest, bring your patience and lightly shake the pop as you ice to ensure a more quick decorating process, 4. All the books suggest using a foam sheet to stick the pops in to cool, I used this trick but covered the foam in cellophane in an effort to reuse in the future, 5. Finally, listen to your favorite music... It's a longer process, but a fun one, so make it more enjoyable with your favorite tunes.

All the pops in their completed state.

The cooling process

Pops with sticks, cooling in the freezer

Carrot cake rolled...

Adventures in Cake Popping Part Deux

2011-06-11T13:25:00.001-07:00

Attempting Carrot Cake Pops... The first batch was a raving hit. Chocolate pops with vanilla icing and sprinkles. So, I am attempting Carrot Cake. I love Carrot Cake. I would love it in a pop. So, trying it out and hoping for success.
The cake was baked and is now cooling. Tomorrow the crumbling, mixing, icing and decorating.
I'll keep you posted, but I think the treats will be yummy.

Happy baking

Meatless Meals

2011-06-09T09:30:00.000-07:00

It is no secret, I eat meat. I love meat. I thoroughly enjoy meals that incorporate meat. I have become a wonderful cook as it pertains to meat. Meals full of yummy, delicious, goodness. However, I want to learn how to prepare meat free meals. There are a couple reasons for this; 1. I am finding I do not incorporate enough vegetables into my current daily intake, 2. I want Avery to learn to love meals with and without meat, 3. I would like to broaden my scope of meal opportunities & 4. I have friends that are vegetarians and I want to be able to prepare meals for dinner parties that are suitable for all pallets.

I ask all my blogging friends for some support in creating meals. If you have any fabulous meatless meals... Please send them my way. I love practicing preparing the meals, feeding my office friends and trying it out again in the future.

Happy cooking... :)

The Voice Recap...

2011-06-07T22:26:00.000-07:00

First and foremost I MUST preface this post by saying "I usually do not re-cap television, nor do I share my opinions strongly in regard to something so trivial as television", however... this show has captured my heart and taken hold of my attention. Moments before the show started I wrote a post stating how excited I was to watch the show as this week launched the Live episodes in which the top 16 stars perform live for viewer votes. The show was thrilling, the energy was intense and my enjoyment was palpable.

Avery's love for music is so fun to watch. My little sweet heart bopping and bouncing and singing along (makes noise) to the music brings me such joy. To have a free spirit in the making is a beautiful thing to watch. Beyond the joy this show brings to our little family, it is also quite enjoyable...

FIRST FIRST FIRST... this episode pitted Team Blake against Team Christina & Team Blake blew Team Christina out of the water. The four remaining acts on team Blake are unassuming talents that display their love for music in their performances. The interaction between Blake and his rising stars is one of such pride and joy as well as mentorship and respect. I appreciate Blake Shelton's interaction with all the performers as well as his joking nature. There is an ease about him that inspires and pulls talent out of people.

My two favorite performances came from Team Blake; Dia Frampton and Xenia. Both seem to be shy young ladies with an incredible amount of talent as well as poise. They sang songs that took them slightly out of the box they have been placed since the start of the show and they are both talents in the making. Dia sang Heartless by Kanye West, she made it her own and channeled her nerves into the performance by playing the piano and singing the song (I suggest an iTunes download of the performance). Xenia is a sweet 16 year old with a mature raspy voice. She sang Price Tag by Jessie J which displayed her sweet nature and allowed her to show the playful aspects of her age (another suggestion to download). A notable performance was given by Frenchie Davis. She sang When Love Takes Over by David Guetta featuring Kelly Rowland. Then energy she brought to the song and the performance given was a party to end the show... Amazing energy. Truly ended the show in a powerful and exciting way.

There were performances by both teams with their mentors. Christina's team sang Lady Marmalade, while Blake's team sang This Love. I appreciate the respect and friendship that can be seen between Blake Shelton and Adam Levine. Their ability to bring laughter and respect to the show is seriously enjoyable and for me is the reason to watch... It is not a typically judged talent show. These judges are truly trying to groom incredibly talented individuals to pursue their passion and succeed. I think I have a slight crush on both Adam Levine and Blake Shelton - must be the banter and their sweet nature. Both are yummy and talented.

For a show that inspires me to my core a couple things that rubbed me the wrong way... The judges far too often say "you know you are one of my favorites", seems like a false statement and overused as they cannot all be favorites. I am not a fan of the catty way by which Christina communicates. She clearly prefers her singers to the rest, but seems incapable of truly critiquing and providing support to the other singers, or it may be her inability to support her fellow judges. Up until tonights show this cattiness wasn't prevalent nor did it bother me... But, her competitive nature rubbed me the wrong way.

Next week, two singers from each team will be voted off and two will be saved. Then Team Adam and Team CeeLo take the stage... I cannot wait.

The Voice - My Choice

2011-06-07T20:01:00.000-07:00

My Tuesday night television choice remains The Voice. I thoroughly enjoy the inter-play between the four stars. I love the flirtatious banter of CeeLo, the female perspective of Christina, the humor of Blake Shelton and the passion of Adam Levine. I absolutely enjoy the concept of individuals being judged solely by their talent, then battling against one another to truly select the best singers. Tonight ,the live shows begin. The journey continues and I am truly intrigued by this show...
I just love it...
And it is helpful that Avery absolutely loves music. Guilty pleasure and joy to watch Avery bouncy, sing and dance.
Let the show begin...

Takin' a Stroll

2011-06-05T22:40:00.000-07:00

Tonight I took a stroll with my little family. It was quite an adventure keeping Lucky & Zoe on track while pushing Avery... But, in the end, Avery's laughter paired with the health and wellness of my pups is worth the leash burn and blood blisters. I love my little family, I love my simple life.

B.L.E.S.S.E.D!

Adventures in Cake Popping - My Pops

2011-06-05T20:01:00.001-07:00

And so I did it... I attempted making cake pops. I must say, it will take a couple tries and maybe a couple extra hands to truly make them magical. But, as first runs go... This was pretty awesome. The entire process takes some time and was a bit overwhelming at first, but as I settled in and let myself sink into the baking, well the joy took over.
The recipe suggested cooking the cake and letting it cool overnight so I did just that. This morning I crumbled and mixed the icing prior to running errands so that the mix could spend the day in the fridge, wise choice I believe. When we arrived home I started rolling the balls and placing the sticks. 15 minutes in the freezer, dinner for a baby and melting the vanilla melts later... and we were creating the final product. This process took the longest time and many cake pops landed in the trash. There is a balance between the size of the cake pop and how far it is placed within the ball itself (another lesson learned through the process). The initial decorated pops looked like a bit too much effort was made, but by the final pops, I had sunk into my groove.
My suggestions... Take this adventure in steps. It would take an entire day otherwise and what mom has that time. Make the cake one day. Mix and cool at another time. Finally, when you have free time and focus... Decorate. I look forward to mastering this as it is also a fabulous way to portion control for my tiny human. :)

On to the photos of the magic in action...

All lined up

Bits of magic

Prep is under way

Rolling balls makes hands all chocolatey goodness

The babe and the pup ensured I made magic

Ready to freeze & start decorating

Multi-tasking mommy... Baby's gotta eat

First set of pops drying

Yummy little cake pops

Loving the magic - cannot wait to eat!

Adventures in Cake-Popping

2011-06-04T19:41:00.000-07:00

It's an adventure in Cake Pop making here at the house tonight. Avery will be "1" in 26 days and I am testing making cake pops as the dessert for her party. Additionally, I have enjoyed a cake pop or two from Starbucks and it seems something so little and so delicious should be somewhat simple to make with love. So... the adventure begins. The cake is currently baking in the oven...

Details to follow. Yum in the tum.

Girls Night - Tim Night

2011-06-04T15:41:00.001-07:00

It was girls night last night. And the night took us to the Tim McGraw concert.

An old classic, new songs, great people, singing at the top of my lungs, laughing with my friends... It was everything an evening out should be. The concert was at Cricket Pavillion and the feeling was one of a concert in the park (with thousands of people). The weather was absolutely perfect; warm with a cool breeze. And the music took me through a memory lane of my life.

All in all a lovely evening. I am grateful.

Heaven

2011-06-04T15:39:00.000-07:00

My little piece of heaven on earth.
I love you Avery Grace.

Happy Feet

2011-06-04T15:35:00.000-07:00

Happy Feet, mine are indeed. I love shoes. All shoes. Primarily I wear flips and runners. But, on the off chance I splurge, on the off chance I get all dressed up, on the off chance I have somewhere to be and need something fancy to wear... well, then I splurge. And in the coming months my feet will be decked in some killer shoes.
The count-down to "30" is on and the tan/black/coral shoes will be paired with a coral dress for a fun evening out (or so I've made up in my mind it will be). And the gold shoes... well those have been purchased for the most special occasion in Fall 2011, my best friends wedding...

I am excited for both events & my feet are so very happy. Slipping into these shoes makes me happy.

2011-05-25T13:22:00.000-07:00

"Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken."
~ Frank Herbert

It's time to get back to blogging. Life has changed in so many ways and my longing to find some normalcy is threaded through my thoughts daily... I may not have the words just yet, but I will find them. I miss my place and my space to be me.

Sneak Peek

2011-02-10T10:00:00.001-08:00

I love my kid. And I love capturing her through stages and as she grows. We took more photos (mostly of her, but some include me) and here is the sneak peek.

TWO YEARS

2011-01-26T15:38:00.000-08:00

Today is my two year anniversary at my amazing job... After a morning email announcement in which I was congratulated, emails followed with kuddos from those I adore. It has been the most amazing two years in regard to my career thus far and I am so looking forward to another two years. Below is the thank you I sent in response to all the amazing love received today...

THANK YOU TO ALL… I love my job and I love this place… Specifically because of you guys. 

The past two years:
1. Have been the most fun thus far in my career and personal life (shout out to Avery Grace)
2. I’ve shown off all my little quirks… Including my pen choices while taking notes (PSchwind you will always be blue) and my extremely tidy desk (where yes, I do hide food, sometimes even donuts)
3. I have mastered the art of finding the round tables…
4. I have hippity hop raced through the building
5. I will continue to bake and plan our Pot Lucks (there’s one coming in Feb)
And I cannot wait to continually find success in retargeting with all of you. 
Here’s to another two year stint…

Thank you all… I appreciate you all so very much.

*** Gosh I love my job. It is a great place to be... And yes, all of you know just how quirky I am.

Weddings Make Me Happy

2011-01-18T14:57:00.000-08:00

I love weddings. I love friends weddings most. And I love that this wedding... This wedding is one of my best grils BIG DAY. I am honored to be a participant in this day as a bridesmaid. In all honesty I've only been a bridesmaid once and it was nearly 10 years ago. We will be wearing this beautiful espresso number in the bueatiful change of season that is October in Pennsylvania.
I CANNOT WAIT. I just can't wait... Getting fitted this week. I'll sneak and post a picture.

Good 'Ol Gap - Thank You

2011-01-12T08:12:00.000-08:00

THANK. YOU. GAP.
You have restored my faith in denim. I admittedly HATE shopping for, trying on and buying jeans. I hate the process. Understanding what is hip right now, what truly fits well, what looks best for my body type... it is an overwhelming process that I'd prefer to avoid at all costs.
As of late I have been watching "What Not To Wear" again (this is a show i flip-flop between enjoying and being annoyed by) and I find their tips to be helpful. Specifically their tip in regard to denim... I like the idea that no pair fits perfectly and that alterations are the key to finding the perfect fit. I am a fan of this as my tush is ample compared to my waist, my legs are long and I don't quite have a torso. I have hips, but where I may appear wide, I am flat from the side view. So you see, my model is not quite a 4 regular.
I appreciate that Gap tries to maintain the classics while also supplying the shopping population with the hippest and latest trends. This allows me a moment of adventure in the poorly lit dressing room to realize classic cuts and fits better suit me. However, in that moment I live the dream of being hip, if only for 1 minute.
Thank you Gap... I love your jeans.

Halfway

2011-01-02T18:08:00.000-08:00

6 months down. 6 to go.

Goodbye 2010, Hello 2011

2011-01-01T17:18:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR to all. From my family to yours, we are wishing you a loving, magical new year with joys and adventures a plenty.

In reflection of 2010 I can say this... In a year with many changes and some major downs, my life continues to present me with miracles and magic, love and joy, friends and family to appreciate and adventures to look forward to. I review 2010 with a light sense of fear for the changes to come, yet there is a smile that lights my heart and leads the way. In understanding that without the bad, sad, trouble and challenges there would be no love, joy, magic and growth I am prepared to look back on this past year fondly. The gifts I've been granted, the love I have experienced, the friendships that continue to grow, the health of my family and the joy of my baby girl Avery makes 2010 my best year yet.

I am still in awe of the blessing that is Avery. There is nothing like the love of your child. The beauty of their little being. The sound of her voice. The words her eyes speak without speaking at all. Her tiny hands and feet, fingers and toes. The feel of her soft skin. The scent that is her and only her. The joy in making her laugh. The love that is felt with every cuddle. The magic of her growth and learning. The miracle of her... I am blessed beyond words.

I continue to have a job I love, pups I adore, a family anyone should be so lucky to have, a home that feels cozy and the life I long to lead.

Entering 2011 I resolve to keep the promises I make to myself, to better prioritize my time so there is time for the ones I love and the things I love, to manage my house in a more organized fashion so that it is welcoming and peaceful, clean and cozy. I resolve to love more deeply, see the greater good in others, laugh as often as possible and enjoy all moments.

May 2011 be a year to remember for all...

4 Months... 5 Months... Fun

2010-12-21T15:37:00.001-08:00

It's been a wild 2 months and an enjoyable holiday season. Little Miss Avery Grace is growing like a weed and preparing to celebrate her 6 month birthday on January 1st. We are grateful for the past two months; there were illnesses and hospital visits. Laughter and new routines. Accomplishments and benchmarks (rolling over). Avery experienced her first Halloween, her first Thanksgiving and has truly enjoyed what is her first holiday season. She seems to love the sparkling lights on the Christmas tree, she certainly enjoys wrapping paper and the way it crinkles and all the gifts we've opened early she has played with.
We are looking forward to a New Year, a new family member (cousin), the next 6 months of her life and all the adventures that are to follow. There will be more monthly birthdays, crawling, trying foods, walking and talking. There will certainly be more bumps and bruises, colds and sniffles and benchmarks met.
What an incredible little life I have been blessed to live with. She is the most magical baby, with the most chill demeanor and one precious smile to boot. I adore her and look forward to the little lady she will become.

Far Far Away...

2010-11-22T08:43:00.000-08:00

The little one and I traveled far far away. We went on a glorious adventure, that took us across country, through airports, on car rides and on what is sure to be the first major adventure of my little ones life. It is often true that something inspires travel, someone, an itch if you will, a desire. In my case it was all of the above... I had an itch to get away, I had a desire to take Avery to my best friends house for a little introduction, I needed an escape and of course I wanted to show Avery the world... Even her little 4month old self needs adventure. So, we packed up and we flew across country, just the two of us, to Pennsylvania. We spent a long weekend at my best friends house... Avery meeting new friends, feeling fall weather and exploring. Me escaping, rejuvenating the soul and connecting with my best friend.
The trip started on a lovely Thursday afternoon after a half day of work here in Arizona. We made it through security with flying colors and with as much ease as a mother traveling alone can muster. I will say for all intents and purposes, we did wonderfully. The security team was exceptionally nice and helpful as well. We got to the gates to discover that the flight was delayed about an hour. What was unfortunate turned into a strike of good fortune. Grandpa's plane landed and deplaned at the gate right next to ours, what a magical moment to see grandpa before our first flight. We also had the opportunity to clap for 25 WWII vets that were also deplaning at a nearby gate. And then, moments later, we were off. Another strike of good fortune - the flight was not full, my sleeping baby could remain in her car seat and have her own seat.
4 hours, that is all it took. 4 hours to be inspired by my little beauty. From the moment the plane took off, this adventure felt different. First, I had the most important human in my life by my side... There was a sense of fear (what if the plane crashed) and pure joy (my baby was experiencing the world)... Then her complete peace through take-off, in-flight and landing. But, it wasn't only Avery that inspired me. It was the flight attendants, it was the man I sat net to, it was the entire plane of people who all took the time to treat us with courtesy and respect. I had a fear of the human spirit being that of which was not comfortable for a mommy traveling alone, that where we were a burden and in the way... The human spirit instead prevailed and we were treated with kindness and concern, with help and love.
We arrived in Pennsylvania and it was cold, it was late and travel did not feel easy. Baggage claim was a smooth process and then the drive began. In the first moments of travel I saw a deer on the side of the road and was instantly reminded of East Coast car accidents and deer. I had heard of the issues and the dangers and in that moment they seemed oh so real. The drive was easy enough until we hit Hershey, then things went south. We were pulled over for speeding and then got lost... Finally, we were sitting on Bethany's couch and Avery was enjoying a bottle, it was 3am. We tucked into bed and awoke to children laughing and the house stirring.
For the next 3 days we enjoyed the simple pleasures of home. Time with good friends. And the joy of new experiences. We went to the mall and shopped around. We ate fish sticks and mac and cheese. We headed up north to Towanda and spent time with Bethany's parents. Avery rolled over for the first time. We had car rides of communication and chatted over coffee and wine. Avery met new friends and I made new acquaintanceships... All-in-all we had a magical time.
Our travels home started at the crack of dawn or at the turn of day (depending on time zone) and took roughly 12 hours. But, we managed and we made it through with flying colors again. Security was a breeze and a kind fella sought me out in the airport to tell me just how impressive my trek through security was (that is the most rewarding compliment a mother traveling alone can receive, especially on my first trip alone). Two plane rides and two more opportunities for Avery to have her own seat while traveling... Life was good and we were home.
It was an adventure, we had fun, there are experiences that will last a life time and the journey was well documented.
Thank you to Auntie Bethany for having us, thank you to the traveling community for being such a wonderful support, thank you to the human spirit for proving just how amazing we all can be when we put others first, thank you to Southwest Airlines for remaining my favorite airline (your kindness and free seats were greatly appreciated) and thank you to my Avery Grace for being the magic and dream of my life - I cannot wait to provide you many more adventures!

My Beauty

2010-10-18T08:46:00.000-07:00

And as proud parents go... I am one of them. I am proud to watch my little light ignite. In the recent weeks little miss doodle has become an expert sitter in her bumbo chair, she has found her tongue and enjoys sticking it out, she laughs when inspired too and the laugh comes from her toes and she is still my wonderfully peaceful child. In a world of chaos and constant change my little lady is a picture of peace and grace.

*** Please note these beautiful pictures were taken by Michelle Moser of Michelle Moser Photography.

Avery Photo Session - Teaser

2010-10-11T20:29:00.001-07:00

A snap shot into our day of photo fun. Little miss Avery Grace and her outfits.

Life As We Know It...

2010-10-10T18:00:00.000-07:00

Movie Review:
For starters, I am a mommy and I have a young baby girl. Second, I adore Josh Duhamel. Third, I am a sucker for romantic comedies. Pair them all together and you have one happy movie goer. This was a movie that also included memorable moments for me, it was Doodle's first visit to the movie theater.
Where the story of girl meets boy on blind date, they do not hit it off, girl and boy have lives that cross repeatedly and girl & boy fall in love is a typical plot, the emotion by which this story was told truly hit home. The story was sweet, sad, sweet, sad, sometimes funny, sweet and in the end predictable. However, I would recommend this movie to anyone who enjoys a good chick flick. I enjoyed the the dynamic of the characters, the reality of emotion and the house in the movie.
Overall, without giving too much away for those still heading to the theater... I loved this movie. It made me laugh, I cried, I smiled and I enjoyed myself. Two thumbs up from me.

90 DAYS

2010-10-01T19:00:00.000-07:00

It is October, the turn of fall, the start of the holiday season... And my baby is 90 days old...
3 months. I cannot believe it. I just cannot. It has been the most interesting 3 months to date, this is a certainty. And I anticipate a lifetime of interesting months and moments. Simply, it has moved fast, yet in hind site I also cannot believe it has only been 3 months. Where I don't understand where the time has gone and I am impressed at the speed which a child grows and the progress that can be made in 3 months, it just doesn't seem like it has only been three months. In fact, at this moment, in my heart it already feels like a lifetime (and to Avery it is the only lifetime she knows to date). I can remember what life was like prior and I know what life is like now, the worlds are not too different, however my life surely feels more complete.
Avery is my pal, my giggle buddy, the sunshine at the end of any dark day and my heart. I knew a mother's love prior to her, I had dogs, believe me, I knew a mother's love. And to ensure I talk to all mother's, I believe a mom feels for her furry pets is quite similar to that of her own child. In fact, I know it is... I have to furry souls who call me mom and I adore them. I would jump in front of a moving car for them, if times were terrible I would not eat so that they could, I kiss them good night and I have conversations with them. Yes, a mother's love for her pet (if in fact you believe your pet is part of your family, your kiddo) is quite similar to that of your child (again, in my belief). All that being said... I certainly cannot believe that for the past 90 days I have had a little life depending on me.
And I can say this, it is not easy. However, it is easier than I was lead to believe. It is hard work, but it is work I am willing to do day in and day out without a second thought. It is scary, but it is the best kind of scary possible.
I thank my pups for teaching me what a mothers love is. I thank my daughter for the human experience. And I thank God for trusting I am capable to love unconditionally and for providing me the best gift any one person could have asked for.
Avery you are my happy place. When I am with you I am at peace. Thank you for blessing me with you gentle kind soul. With you in my life I am a better person.
HAPPY 3 MONTH BIRTHDAY. xoxoxo

All Is Right

2010-09-25T12:32:00.000-07:00

When I hold my baby girl... All is right in the world. When I watch her sleep I am at peace. When I hear her breathe I am empowered by her strength. When I see her smile my heart overflows. When I watch her think I am excited about the adventures her life will take, the lessons she will learn, the education she will seek. When I sing to her and she smiles I fill with a sense of accomplishment and joy, her love for music, even my voice, is exciting. When I bathe her and see her relax I am happy that she can find complete peace. While I feed her and we stare into one another's eyes I am filled with a connection no one can sever. When we rock out in the car to music, when we watch musicals, when we dance around the house I am filled with overflowing joy. When she coos as she sleeps and dreams I grin from ear to ear knowing her life's experiences are shaping her imagination. When I am not near her I imagine how she is doing, what she is doing.
Avery has made my life magical... Thank you Doodle.

Working It Out

2010-09-19T17:26:00.000-07:00

As the wonderful world of bloggers has heard... this new mommy is getting back in shape and trying hard to stay motivated. I invested financially in myself, via beachbody.com with the P90X videos, now it is time to invest in myself with motivation, time and follow through. I have been working out for one week now and there are a some things I've learned.
1. I am much weaker than I realized.
2. I missed feeling my muscles tighten.
3. Sweating can be fun in the comfort of your own four walls.
4. I am impatient and want to see results right now.
5. There are still some sore spots from Avery's birth.
6. Jogging is a comfort and has been mixed into the P90 routine.
7. Taking care of myself induces confidence.
8. My doodle was well worth the weight gain, but will not be used as an excuse to remain lazy.
9. Fitting a workout in is a miracle each day.
10. I cannot wait to win the bet...

I have also realized that for me jogging is a cure for all. It is a safety net and a comfort zone. I believe that jogging impacts me in a hugely positive way and that P90 alone will not do the trick. So, I am mixing jogs, walks, swims... anything I can into the mix to help the cardio cravings.
Time to jog...

My First Baby

2010-09-19T16:49:00.000-07:00

I am so proud of my pups. They have adjusted to little miss Avery better than I could have ever expected. They have learned when to play and when to relax, when to protect and when to leave alone. They have learned to love her up close and from a distance. Lucky and Zoe are doing a good job at being second fiddle, which is a place they've never known.
I love both my pups, I do. I think they are both unique with unique personalities and temperaments. I enjoy Lucky's big heart and desire to please and protect. I love Zoe's independence and calm demeanor. They were my first kids, if you know me well, you know this to be truth.
However, I feel for my Lucky dog... He is my first baby. My big dog. My love. He truly has a special place in my heart. His first couple months in our home were trying and scary, his little life hanging on the brink. Then we brought Zoe home and what was his house became their house. They learned to play and be as pup siblings. And now... now they are not our top priority, now they come in second (a very close 2nd), now they wait until the baby is fed, bathed, changed, burped, loved, held... And I must say, my boy Lucky... He is a doll.. He used to sleep in our bed, now he is on the floor. He used to cuddle up on the couch in my lap, now he sits near my feet. He used to get the first hugs and kisses, now he comes in third. I adore this dog... I love this dog. I cannot wait for him and Avery to become best friends... He'll be the best pup friend she ever had.